Random.

Hello all. Assalamualaikum
We are approaching the end of december now. Theres only remaining of one week before we enter year 2013.
Another year, age increasing, and actually semakin dekat dgn kematian. Betol kan?

Year 2012 has been a very colorful year. A great year i would say and hoping 2013 will be better. In shaa Allah. Amin

Ive completed my housemanship in 2012. Learnt so many things medically. I have left HtAR n now working in a district hospital. Struggling with my own limited knowledge. I have received hidayah dariNya, and changing slowly, but surely. And i am ending my status of a single lady soon. :)

Okay ive only been engaged for 1 week or so. Hehe. Tak pernah jumpa encik lagi after majlis tunang so x tahu lah perasaan dia mcmana kannn. But one thing ive noticed ni, after kite tunang rasa rindu tu makin kerap timbul. Mengada je lebih kot. So bila rasa rindu tu da resurface kena cepat2 distract diri sndiri, kalau dilayan mmg la makin parah. Hehe. So the best wud be selawat, istighfar.. Tak elok lah rindu rindu lebih2 kan sbb baru tunang jee. Hehe. Ni lah orang ckp darah manis kot eh. Hehe. But i think hes more caring jugak in a way skrg. Hehe. Apa2 pun mohon Allah mudahkan urusan kami. Amin

Things to look forward to in 2013, im expecting a formal reunion of sspian since genap 10 years we left school. Looking forward to maybe another trip of bandung *i nevrr get bored of bandung* hehe. In shaa Allah doa2 dapat beli property next year. And of course i am excited for our wedding next year in shaa Allah yeayyyy!! And looking forward for us to stay together forever n ever n ever amin. Hehe. And the challenge begins of course, no doubt. Then lepas tu maybe boleh pergi holiday sama sama. :)

Welcome 2013. Thank you 2012. Uve been good. :)

We are there..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim


It is now 16th dec. Hari lahir ayahanda tersyg harini
And Alhamdulillah dgn izin Allah majlis semalam berlangsung dgn lancar. Alhamdulillah..
Started the day early, dengan debaran di dada of course. Heee

Make up sampai arnd 845am, and start make up at 9am.. Finished make up at arnd 10am jugak. Kakak photographer arrived at arnd 930am. Managed to shoot few shots semasa make up. Saya ditemani oleh 'geng2 faizal tahir' semasa make up. Hee.

Berdebar sgt2 sbb whn i texted him da gerak ke blom. Dia x reply. Haihh saba je la :p
Nways lepas tu i hand over my phone to kaksue n dia yg handle najmi lepas tu. Hehe

When kaksu said hes almost there. Terus rasa x keruan
Hehe. Bergerak ke sana sini till my glace frens said saya mcm ulat. Hehe.

Finally his family arrived at 11-ish. Tak sure berapa kereta but diketuai oleh encik kesayangan.. N soon the event started. From the room x berapa jelas but boleh dgr la diorang berpantun2 sebut nama arifah n najmi. Hehe.

And my future father in law yg mengetuai rombongan bagi meminang.hehe. Comel sgt pantun dia sbb ada phrase arifah diberi nama dara idaman, buat jejaka tampan nurul najmi. Kehkeh :p

Nways after the perbincangan n whatnots, meremang bulu roma bila ustaz tu cakap...
Dengan lafaz bismillahirrahmanirrahim, dengan rasminya, ambil maklum bahawa secara rasmi arifah kini menjadi tunangan nurul najmi. *tears welled up*

N i was ushered by none other than kak sue untuk ke pelamin mini utk sarung cincin. Urgh the feeling sgt lah nervous. Tgn sejuk gila. Kaki rasa licin mcm nak tergelincir. Dengan bulu mata yg mcm big bird lagi. Hehe. But managed to put a smile walaupun rasa nervous gila nak senyum plis. Hehe. When his mom came to me, taktau kena salam dlu ke terus hulur tgn. Hehe. But i salam first and hulur tgn. Waaaa nervous gila please.dah la duduk bersimpuh sikit lagi nak cramp. Hehe

After the sarung cincin ceremony masa baca doa tu, sikit bergenang air mata sbb tgk mak abah frm the stage. Tapi segan sbb tgk adik2 najmi n his anak2 buah. Haha. It went well.. That in shaa aallah in few months frm now we will have our ijab qabul dgn izinNya.

After that kena salam2 his relatives yg majority is his aunties. N adik2 n kakak2 with his cousins. Syukur they looked like they accepted me for now. Hehe. Restu tu kan pentinggg :)

And kak sue called him suruh keluar makan. When he arrived at the gate. For a moment our eyes locked tapi saya cepat2 lari masuk dalam sbb segan :p hahaha. But i asked him to duduk makan dlu sbb i cant teman him of courseee.

And selepas itu we managed a few shots together. Hehe. Paling menggelabah when kak bie the photographer suruh pandang each other in one of the shots which we failed without doubts. I cant even look at him straight to the eyes nemore. Malunyaaaaa. Haha. And he blushed of course the moment i looked at him lidat. Hehe.

Thank u to friends who came, moon, ahh, abs, kaput, efie, arock, lized, yati, milo n syami, tuckey, emilia, kakda, fai, jijot, syazana, feela, siti sarah, azreen, hazid, ahwong, fiza, vinita n hubby, jason, daniel, my specialist dr shahidi n wifey.

Thank you to those who wished me well. I appreciate it so muchhh. Those who prayed for us. Teruskan berdoa ye. Hehe

And to my family. U guys have been one awesome team n iam blessed to have yr endless supprt n prayers. In shaa Allah keluarga kita akan bertambah lagi seorang. Menantu bongsu. Adik ipar bongsu. Uncle mimi. :p haha.

Thank you syg. Thank you for the ring. I love it. And i love you. Lillahi ta'ala. And we love HIM. Arent we cool?
Hehe

Xoxo. Your fiance *euw*

Selamat datang cinta

Im writing this few hours before 15th dec 2012. Why it is an important day? Well 1stly because it is d day where we will make a promise, an official promise that we agree to build a life together.. And because 16th is my dearest daddy's birthday.

Subhanallah i know this is overwhelming for my dad to see his youngest finally becoming closer to a different phase of life. It is always his dream to see his youngest get married n stiffs so i might be emotional tomorrow.

The house is full n packed, all filled with excitements. N me too is also excited but also very very nervous. Siapa tak nervous kot when we are entering a different phase of life altho technically nothing changes.. Nervous sbb we never know what d future holds but i believe the feeling i have for him sejak mula mmg berlandaskan kepercayaan pada Allah. I leave it all to Him.

Sungguh sejujurnya saya sgt terharu that Allah loves me this much. Allah hadirkan dia sebagai bakal pendamping, teman susah dan senang, bakal pembimbing, bakal pelengkap hidup saya. Seorang yang pendiam, jujur, tegas n good looking*ahem* hehe n most importantly his iman.

Untuk bakal tunang saya, terima kasih kerana hadir dalam hidup saya. For not giving up on me now n in shaa Allah jangan give up sampai bila bila please syg. :') semoga this period of time dpt kita lalui bersama dgn tenang, dan in shaa Allah semoga jodoh kita membawa kita ke ijab qabul seterusnya agar kita dpt beroleh keluarga sakinah. Amin

Selamat datang dalam hidup saya sayang. Selamat dtg ke dlm keluarga saya. Semoga kekal selama lamaaaaanyaa. Amin

One step closer.
Its tomorrow.

one step closer

Bismillahirrahminirrahim

have i ever told you how we met? although there is nothing special about it. i wish to write it here. so as the years goes by, i could always read this and be reminded of it. In shaa Allah.

well. we met in HTAR Klang. see, there's a reason why i was posted there eventhough during the induction, i was shocked n kinda not willing to go to klang. Allah definitely has better plans. :)

i met him when i was in my 3rd posting, in medical ward. 

he was in his 1st posting at that time. so theres nothing magical when we first met. its not even 'love at first sight'. hehe

from what i remembered, i was in the ward looking through at the notes and saw a name, dr nurul najmi.

i thot its supposed to b a girl, so i asked the nurse which is dr nurul najmi. then the nurse pointed at him, and  looked, and shocked.. hehe . coz i thot its a girl. heeee.

but then we just nod at each other. thats it

throughout the posting, we became friends. quite close friends i think. cos anything that stressed us out we will text. stuffs like that. honestly during that time i have no intention of falling for him. because at that time i was kinda into someone else. so i barely paid enough attention at that time. 

but during that period of time, i knw hes a good guy. despite the busy-ness, he always find his way for solat, and always he would ask me, 'arifah dah solat?'

it really is nothing. but somehow i kinda attracted to it. hehe

and there was one time when we were both postcall, and both of us were doing our discharge summaries next to each other, but i was seriously 'tersengguk ' at the table. hehe. and he said to me, ' nak aku kasi segar balik?' i was cranky of course, and just mumbled something to him, until he actually said, 'bangunla syg..'

i was feeling a jolt of electgricity going through my heart seriously. hahaha.

but the thing that strikes me, was during my birthday, year 2011, when he wished me happy birtthday, i jokingly asked for a birthday gift, and he said.. okay..

well i didnt expect him to come up with a gift honestly. 

and my birthday was on a weekend, so the next working day, all of us ( we had pretty much an awesome group of friends during medical posting) went for a dinner together at the chinese rest in shah alam to celebrate my belated birthday. and he gave me my present there. :) it was a watch. its black silver in colour. 

hehe. i really loved it, honestly. sampai sekarang pun ada simpan lagi jam tu walaupun dah rosak. hehe

it kinda reminded me of him each time i wear it. well selepas dpt jam tu i practically wear it almost everyday. and the teasing started of course, my close friends were questioning on why he only give it to me. and i wud simply answer cz i asked for it. hehehe. sampai sekarang pun actually tak tahu the reason why he gave it to me. :p

only at the end of posting when i was about to leave the posting, i became more aware of myself. became a bit nervous. but of course, no one knew. heh

when i really left the posting, i kinda miss his presence, so i would be wishing for a chance for us to terserempak and stuffs like that. nak sms, tapi tak tau nak cakap ape. hehe

but there were times when we were in different posting and he ajak teman lunch. its like a dream come true! hehehe :P 

slowly after almost 4 months of keeping things to myself, i confessed to my close friends that i fall for him! although i was really scared til i cried . i really dont want to make things awkward. or complicated for that matter. i dont even know if he had a girlfriend back then. but after all the istikharah n prayers, the feeling still wont go away.

if u must know, i confessed to him. yes i did. altho i only confessed through a long text,i was seriously having a massive heart attack while confessing to him. one of the content was, ' pls tell me whether i should keep this feeling or discard it away' 

but he took 4 days to reply to it. i was seriously thinking that our friendship must have gone down the drain. after 4 days, i woke up at 6am to his text. a very very short one.. 'pls dont discard your feelings'

and i cried after reading it. hehehe

that was the very start of everything i guess.

we never declared that we were together or stuffs. slowly i learnt about him. eh sorry, i am still learning about him. and although i find him totally different from any guys that i know, im glad its him. 

i have never feel calmer than when i was with him. he brings me closer to Allah. thats the one reason why i think hes the one. sure, we've got a lot of differences actually.. arifah byk cakap, najmi banyak senyap. arifah   manja sikit :p, najmi serious. hehe

its only months since we became close. although i admitted we were not like any other couples. jujur, tak pernah gayut dalam phone pun. although in the initial stage, banyak merajuk with him sbb rasa dia ignorant and stuffs like that. but slowly, really slowly i become more mature :P hehe. slowly i understood him. he told me dia tak nak bercinta beriya sebelum nikah. :')

kira actually we texted everyday jugak but selalunya sekejap je. because sibuk pun. and kalau call, it wud be sebab yg penting2 and the longest chat maybe dlm 15 minit. lama jugak kan. hehe. itu pun masa i was oncall, and had to go buy something in d middle of night n had to walk alone so i asked him to stay with me on the phone. 

but he teaches me a lot. he made me closer to Allah, buat saya insaf diri sekejap. hehehe. and for that, i seriously am thankful to Allah for sending me someone i need, and want at the same time. cuma masa my birthday he is the sweetest ever! i would never have forgotten my birthday this year cz thats the first time i actually feel that he cares for me :P selama ni tak pernah tunjuk kan. hehehe :P

all these while that we are together, seriously boleh kira berapa i miss u or i love u. hahaha. sebab mmg takde :P hahaha.. okay tipu. ada la tapi mmg sikit je. bukan mcm org lain hari2 before tido i love u. hehe

and honestly sepanjang kawan dgn dia, tak pernah sekali pun pegang tangan ke apa kan. thank you for protecting me awak :')

okay. nanti arifah emo kejap lagi ni.

thank you najmi, for being with me all these while, for not giving up on me when i know u could just have given up on me especially when we were both stressed out few months back. thank you for being patience, and for still standing with me.

thank you for believing in me, for willing to accept me who is full with flaws and insecurity at times. 

thank you for protecting me, for loving me for the sake of Allah, for never taking advantage of me.

thank you for the friendship, love, happy and sad times spent, there will be many many more to come in the future In shaa Allah. 

thank you for accepting my family as a whole, and i will always love yours as i do love mine. In shaa Allah

thank you for coming into my life. slowly, but surely. jujur, at times i still freaked out but i know Allah is with us, and we will build a happy life together In shaa Allah

it is becoming more real now. and the feeling of happy, overwhelmed and sikit sedih sbb takut nak go through a different life altogether. although awak pernah cakap sekali je, this is the moment i believe every girl is waiting for. the journey that we will go through together in months from now, semoga Allah sentiasa berkati dan restui.

but for now, welcome to my life my dear encik kesayangan hati.

semoga sampai syurga. Amin :')

xx one step closer xx

its fiza's birthday!! well on 24th nov actually :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

writing this entry sempena ulang tahun kelahiran sahabat saya..

siti hafizah bt ismail, birth date 24th nov :)

an advanced write up.

so here it goes..

untuk BFF saya..fiza.

shes now working in hosp temerloh (hoshas)

so actly we always talked on phone free of charge. hehe *misuse of the hospital phone :P*

i would simply ask my operator to connect me through her phone, and always the operator wud say.. tp dr fizah ni x oncall dr. hehe :))

i know we started getting close during our times in HTAR. *indeed htar has brought me so many awesome people. hehe* despite the fact that we actually came from the same medical school. heee

although i swear when we were in year 2 we were in the same group and we actually clicked together.

well nevermind then..

honestly im soooo fortunate to have u as friend. insyaAllah through good n bad times.

kita start rapat memang exactly from medical posting jugak.

but i think we started to lepak together lagi frequent when i was in paeds, u were in ED

those times memang terribly super fun. 

memang daily lepak, balik sampai malam..

until memang u crash in kat rumah i almost every day*rumah tumpangan ah seng* hehe

for the times we had ; planning surprise party for everyone. *mmg janji i nakkk sangattt buat party untuk u. sobs* cross my heart i really want to do it for u. wuuuu

the times we had our pillow talks together with ah wong... talking nonsense n be super emotional

the times when we had almost weekly doses of coffee.. that wud be in starbucks setia alam or during the happy hour time.

the times when we planned for a dine out kat tempat2 konon2 nak try . tp end up dgn the same menu over again

the times when we went for a movie at midnight, swearing to the guys in our lives back then n ended up being scared at the carpark at 2am n a very very dark car park indeed. hehe

the times when we were scared masa kita tgh set up birthday ah wong sbb we thought there was a burglar outside n it happened to be ahwong's mom

the times when i almost cried *or i did cry* whn u put a balloon in my room for my birthday. hehe

the times when i always said u were exactly the same character as najmi only u were a girl version n u are much sweeter. yes yes. hehe

the times when we always belikan air kotak milo la, food la for each other whn we were working together

the times when u always said yes to everything anyone ask out of u n u regretted it later. hehe

the times when we had our final 'goodbye' in htar . muka sembab mata bengkak hugging at the car park in htar

(thinking about it still makes me wana cry)

i love you! please know that. i very well do. 

u are  very kind person at heart, sbb tu u always tolerate when people bully u. no no, jgn kasi diorang buli u lagi ok? hehe

im sorry i couldnt celebrate on time with u.but i hope u do love my surprise to you :)

and soo.. i pray that your birthday this year will be the start of everything good. In shaa Allah..

sebab this year birthday u falls on hari asyuraa :)

a very special day indeed!

i doakan semoga u happy selalu kat hoshas sana walaupun busy sangat2 kalau oncall. and u sabar jek ajar adik2 HO u ok. hehe.

i doakan u panjang umur, murah rezeki, sentiasa dalam jagaan Allah.. and semoga Allah beri yang terbaik untuk u, for yourself, ur career, jodoh u :)

i doakan u dapat a guy whom u need, not necessarily the one u want most cz life sure is twisted kan. kan. hehe

i harap our friendship akan still stay strong tak kesah brape tahun frm now maybe masa tu kite da jadik specialist n life gets even more boring with d work :O hehe. i doa our friendship semua akan last forever ever In shaa Allah kita jumpa lagi nnt in Jannah :)

i nak tulis panjang2 tapi rasa mcm hilang skills pulak. hehe

tapi janji i syg u. lillahi taala.

and i doa one day i nak tgk u pakai tudung for good,  In shaa Allah. amin

thats my prayers for u sweetheart, hehe, i knowww. u akan ckp i sounded like siti sarah kann

hehe

i pun da berubah sikit i guess.

but i still do love u. u guys. 

till then dearest, xoxo

 this was when i kidnapped u from ortho and bring u for lunch in pak li kopitiam. remmber ? theres a guy tryin to hit on u there. hehehe

 this was our night out at bubba gump curve with fazrin. 

 our final CME as HO in acc htar. hehe. 

 masa ni i merajuk ngan najmi so nak lunch ngan u but u takle nak kuar. so ended up despite of me not working i pergi lunch dgn u kat kafe. sweet kan kite. hehe

 masa ni pulak kite jogging 4 org but of course u jog dgn abg azan u! hehehe. 

 ni our lunch together kat kedai yg i selalu sesat tu. hehe. ape nama dia i da lupa...

 our movie date tapi u tdo masa movie ni. hehe. kat setia city mall n then we had our sleepover kat ahwong's place

 ni of course masa kita loitering time kerja.. u kat ortho, i kat ed, jgn peduli pasal patients.. kite amik gamba sbb tau we are leaving. sobs

 masa ni kat premiere hotel, had our buffet buka puasa ramai2 dgn tema dandelion tuuu. the one yg i nanges non stop tuuu. hehe

 our 'final' starbucks session the night before i left htar. hukhuk. i miss u girls

 ths was during fasting month kite g teman wong cari baju tunang dia. hehehe

and masa raya kat rumah i :)

u kena tau i syg u ok. dah tau x? okay. hehe

have a blessed birthday ever. i rindu u sgt!

random

Bismilllahirrahmnirrahim

in the name of Allah the most gracious, most merciful.

its almost november now

meaning, its almost a year now

ive been living to this feeling

when He has put this feeling inside of me

i was scared.... well still am

still do.

im not sure how to love.

im not sure how to carry it within me

i was broken few times

but it turns out this time its a total different

Alhamdulillah

a 365 days knowing him

learning all about him

the pros n the weaknesses of course

i know maybe its because our age has matured a bit

hehe

so it makes this a total different from previous ones.

subhanallah

i could never really express how much he actually means

one day i will try

insyaAllah :)

my prayer would remain the same

semoga Allah melindungi hati kami

menjauhi kami dari maksiat dan zina

memberkati hubungan kami

perasaan kami

seterusnya memudahkan urusan kami

jika kami masih ragu. tetapkanlah hati kami

jika kami masih goyah,  mantapkanlah perasaan kami

jika sukar, permudahkanlah

jika masih jauh, dekatkanlah

berkatilah kami Ya Allah

i know You know everything thats stored inside of my heart

semoga Allah merestui

dan insyaAllah sujud kami takkan terhenti

hajat kami akan sentiasa mengiringi

istikharah kami akan sentiasa mengiasi diri

permudahkanlah ya Allah

peliharalah hati kami.

............................ one step closer, insyaAllah with His blessings :') 

an update

bismillahirrahmaniirahim

rindu kat blog. hehe
the old days when i so rajin to update
well now. life is getting busy and busier.

now.. dugaan dtg dan pergi
sabarlah hati. hehe
sabar itu sgt sgt penting
semoga Allah sentiasa kurniakan kesabaran dlm hati kami
dan semoga Allah sentiasa menghidupkan rasa di hati kami

:')
ya Allah
i am so thankful for his presence
please make him stay till we both finally meet again in Jannah

semoga Allah mudahkan urusan kami seterusnya selepas ini
Amin

an update

bismillahirrahmaniirahim

rindu kat blog. hehe
the old days when i so rajin to update
well now. life is getting busy and busier.

now.. dugaan dtg dan pergi
sabarlah hati. hehe
sabar itu sgt sgt penting
semoga Allah sentiasa kurniakan kesabaran dlm hati kami
dan semoga Allah sentiasa menghidupkan rasa di hati kami

:')
ya Allah
i am so thankful for his presence
please make him stay till we both finally meet again in Jannah

semoga Allah mudahkan urusan kami seterusnya selepas ini
Amin

bismillahirrahmaniirahim

rindu kat blog. hehe
the old days when i so rajin to update
well now. life is getting busy and busier.

now.. dugaan dtg dan pergi
sabarlah hati. hehe
sabar itu sgt sgt penting
semoga Allah sentiasa kurniakan kesabaran dlm hati kami
dan semoga Allah sentiasa menghidupkan rasa di hati kami

:')
ya Allah
i am so thankful for his presence
please make him stay till we both finally meet again in Jannah

semoga Allah mudahkan urusan kami seterusnya selepas ini
Amin

bismillahirrahmaniirahim

rindu kat blog. hehe
the old days when i so rajin to update
well now. life is getting busy and busier.

now.. dugaan dtg dan pergi
sabarlah hati. hehe
sabar itu sgt sgt penting
semoga Allah sentiasa kurniakan kesabaran dlm hati kami
dan semoga Allah sentiasa menghidupkan rasa di hati kami

:')
ya Allah
i am so thankful for his presence
please make him stay till we both finally meet again in Jannah

semoga Allah mudahkan urusan kami seterusnya selepas ini
Amin

new life

bismillahirrahmanirrahim

its been so long since i spent a lil time here
well.. to begin with
life has changed, a lot.
hehe
i am now no more in klang.
now working in a district hospital.
so its either, me being oncall, postcall or precall.
hehe
i have loads of oncalls
but i do have one weekend off if im lucky ( that is if there is no programme such as blood donation etc etc)
im coping so far.
sebelum ni jadi houseman tak payah byk fikir

dah jadi MO. sendiri decide.
sendiri manage. sendiri amik risk
berdoa Allah sentiasa melindungi insyaAllah

i miss my friends in KL. well selangor.
hehe. memang rarely jumpa coz time limitation.
no more besties in new hospital
but i have nice colleagues.
i can get along with them. well for now. hehe
harapnya seterusnya pun sama. coz kitorang tak ramai so mmg kena team work yg sgt kuat utk memudahkan kerja masing2. :)

but on the other side,
duduk with parents.
so terjaga serba serbi. (duit pun save. hehe)
so insyaAllah la boleh simpan duit utk kepentingan masa depan, hehehe

but at times i miss orang jauh di klang. hehe (jauh la sgt)
so far Alhamdulillah Allah mudahkan.
i do miss him.
but i know hes there, insyaAllah baik2 saja dlm jagaan Allah.
:)
so its okay
i have to be strong


ok. itu aje. hehe :)

came across this blog http://abil4fauziah.blogspot.com/
masyaAllah
thats how strong a person can be
bila dilanda ujian

so remmber
kalau diuji sikit kita dah mengeluh
let us just be thankful for the life we have
and dont forget to pray for those yang diuji

sesungguhnya Allah SWT itu maha adil
maha mengetahui
maha mengasihani

[1] Dengan nama Allah, Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.

[2] Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang memelihara dan mentadbirkan sekalian alam.

[3] Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.

[4] Yang Menguasai pemerintahan hari Pembalasan (hari Akhirat).

[5] Engkaulah sahaja (Ya Allah) Yang Kami sembah, dan kepada Engkaulah sahaja kami memohon pertolongan.

[6] Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus.

[7] Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang Engkau telah kurniakan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan (jalan) orang-orang yang Engkau telah murkai, dan bukan pula (jalan) orang-orang yang sesat.

bismillah.
thats the tafsir of Al Fatihah. permulaan segala ayat.
we recite al Fatihah everyday, in each solat, every rakaat.
tapi its a loss if we do not the meaning of the ayat

including me.
honestly ive never read the complete tafsir of the Quran
subhanallah. forgive me Allah
hope its not too late to start
lets starts sisters n brothers
hopefully Quran will always stay in our heart
insyaAllah

memo

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

remember when i told u guys here i'll be leaving selangor?
i am now starting the countdown already :')
it is officially 15 more days in HTAR (Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah, Klang)

cant believe it. yet it is still the truth
Allah is the greatest planner and me as the servant must trust His plan
insyaAllah this is for the best
but tipu lah kalau tak sedih kannn

actually sedih sangat..
the feeling of you have to get out from yr comfort zone.
but its okay. i know i' ll be okay.

for now. we are acting like normal.
like we wont say goodbye in few days time
tak mahu sedih2. just chill n live in the moment
but eventually we would have to part,
but i hope and pray it is only for a while.. :)

so here...
the most meaningful song for me.
this one is for my better half (insyaAllah)

Song : Memo
Singer : Yuna

i dont mind if you wanna stay
with that smile upon your face
hang around for a little while please
dont drive away even for a mile

different continents, its not a thing
cause i know that we'll be okay
endless borders, countless days
our love will pave the way

cause i'll be your wall
for you to lean on
when you fall just try to hold on
i'll be back in your arms
together we'll always be for what may come
for what may come

i dont mind if you're far away
i'll be waiting for you anyway
under the sky of sunshine or rain
i know im gonna be in your arms again

different continents, its not a thing
cause i know that we'll be okay
endless borders, countless days
our love will pave the way

cause i'll be your wall
for you to lean on
when you fall just try to hold on
i'll be back in your arms
try to hold on
i'll be back in your arms
together we;'ll always be for what may come :')

untuk awak. i hope you know that it breaks me to say goodbye.
im scared to move on, scared to lose you initially
but then again i believe He knows whats best for us.
if this is a small test for us, then let it be
:)
i trust you and i believe you trust me, too :)
and we trust Him more. so no worries i guess.
one day i'll be back. and i hope and pray things will get better each day
please know that you are always in my doa.
i do not know what the future holds for us.
but i pray you will stay. and be the one man leading me :)

if will never regret those long texts sent via viber in october, that one thing i did is the one finally leading me back closer to Him
thank you.
for your presence, for every smile you put on my face
for willing to 'paint' me as your fave and make me yours.
you will be fine in His watch.
and we will be fine InsyaAllah

ps: im not that far u know. but i know i will miss you. no one will pamper u in HTAR now. hehe,
take care my man. i will definitely cry ( dlm hati)
be strong, take care of your iman.

love.

the change

talking about a change.
well everyone needs a change.
maybe not now, but somehow everyone will have to change
cuma kadang2 mungkin the power of will tak cukup.
scared of everyone else's opinion

change meaning turning a new leaf
from not so good to good
from good to better
from better to best
insyaAllah

i am no angel
masih kadang2 terlepas kata.
terlepas perilaku
but i feel something since i turned 26 couple of weeks ago
although constantly thinking about it
cuma after my birthday tu.. something just happened in my heart
i couldnt precisely say what it is.
and another factor is maybe after reading his birthday wishes to me,
masya Allah i couldnt sleep after that.

and the experience of attending the Being Me course
makes me wanna cry,
masyaAllah i am so glad i went to the course
while i was driving on the way to Matrade last week.
there are many cars causing a tiny bit of traffic jams and all of them are Muslimah drivers.
their power of will to gain knowledge makes me feel so small
i was so excited and overwhelmed seeing the crowd. semuanya wanita Muslim covered up,
ramai2 dtg untuk dengar and gain knowledge.
i was blessed and always gonna be thankful that i went to the course :)

so i am gonna change bit by bit insyaAllah
i am full with sins. astaghfirullahazim.
they say once u feel it, that is the Hidayah
change yourself
cause u never know that might be the last Hidayah Allah sent to you
dont ignore it, you never know when you will be invited to alam barzakh

Alhamdulillah
thank you Allah for still loving me
though i am full with sins
ive wronged
thank you for sending the message right through my heart
help me to change
i need You

and thank you Allah for sending najmi to me
i do not know of what the future holds for us
but he taught me a lot
and brings me even closer to You.
i pray that he will be my Imam one day
the one guiding till Jannah insyaAllah
but if he is not meant for me, he is one blessing i will never forgot
yet will always be thankful for his presence.

and dear friends
please remind me if ever you see me astrayed
im weak
but i will try to change
insyaAllah

Radhi tu billahi rabba. wabil islami dina wabi muhammadin nabiyya warasula 

goodbye faith

a late entry. sebab i find it very hard to update via phone.
dont know why.

okay.
i was about to narrate about my final goodbye to faizal tahir :)
its not a big thing actually.
but to me, personally... it is a big thing
this does not comes out of sudden.
memang dah lama ada niat. tapi certain people asked me to at least wait for his solo concert
which happened on the 1st july. KL Live centre.
manusia berpegang pada janji kan :) so am i :)

personally. that night it wasnt the best coming out from faizal.
no gimmick. just him. :)
and his health condition does not permit him to perform that well.
but it was good. :) to me, it brings me back to those days when i first started
who would have thought that years could pass by so fast.
just like in a blnk of an eye.

it was a special night cause my favorite artiste performed,. with his great bandmates.
and my sisters were all there. well except kak asmak. and sue.
and my close friends from klang also participated.
and my better half was there with me :)
i am the happiest girl alive :)

remembering back. Faizal Tahir was not just FT,
he is always be remembered, as someone who is kind enough to pray for my success. i will never forget the day he prayed for my final exam. i was still touched when i read the doa. and i was a stranger to him at that time. but he prayed anyway :')
he is always gonna be the first and the last artiste that i sent off to the airport.
it happened in kota bharu kelantan.
and that was the first time i managed to 'talk' to him in person.  and saw him being him; loosened up.
:')
and he is always gonna be the one who nags a lot at me. and melatah a lot., hehe
and of course, he will always be the one who leads me to the rockensteiners family. and we bonded and built an ukhwah. kerana Allah. semoga Allah merestui

never again will i experence those moments.
the moment when he ignored me totally when he was on stage in Kota Bharu and even ran away when i tried to snap a picture with me, and said to me"eh awk siapa, tak kenal" . hehe
never again will i 'menggigil' after seeing him in person.
never again will i drive all the way to penang only to arrive in the dawn. and heard hanyut live for the first time at such hour. and saw them jagged face - too tired, and he was wearing a bathrobe. hehe.
those were the days
never again will i embarass myself by playing like a lil kid at the kids pool only to realize that the star is being interviewed at the lobby and he was looking straight at us. darn :P
never again will i be called as the royale FT frontliner,
and the name itself was not made up. it happened in hard rock penang- rock for the cure event.
he said on stage "can the front row people raise up their hands. just the front row. okay now turn around. turn aroud. okay people. these are my frontliners. " :') memories that cannot be replaced nor erased.
never again will i drive all the way to kuala terengganu in a small packed car. hehe.
never again will i hear those words " pandang orang2 sebelah kiri saya ni, mana saya pergi diorang selalu ada"
never again will i be able to take stupid faces pictures with him
never again will i be getting prank calls saying that theres an iftar event, only to find out that i was overdressed in my open house baju as he called it. haha :P
never again will i be racing my lil onit with his white knight
never again will i sing in front of him and the crowd on stage. hihi *ifar RC event*
never again will i order a shoe shaped cake nor a guitar shaped cake. :')

there are too many memories.
that the rest, i think its best for me to keep it on my own.
and so. it is hard for me cause we had so much memories.
ive watched his career expanding, success turning to reality.
witnessed his happy and sad moments.

but life has got to go on. i wanted a new me. for the benefits of myself.
maybe one day you will understand

and so. as promised
when he was about to sing semesta, as the closing song for the concert
part of me is breaking, realizing that this is the last one ill be holding hands singing along with the people i love, live in front of the rockstar himself.
and yes, i couldnt manage to look at him or the band.
it feels sad. to finally say goodbye.
no regrets. this is it.

i know he'll be fine.
there are so many people who will continue supporting him
and i will too. but this time only thru my prayers
doa saya segala yang terbaik untuk dia. semoga imannya bertambah seiring usia, semoga dia sabar, tabah, dan tidak mudah hanyut. amin
may you be guided by HIM in every way thats possible

terima kasih FT
for given me the chance to be the lucky one. among your thousands fan. i was lucky\
those memories i will always treasure and secure it.
one day i think im gonna tell my granddaughter that the legend faizal tahir used to know me. hehe. :P
thank you for everything that uve done
budi baik anda, saya ucap terima kasih yang teramat sangat. you are always kind to me.
i was blessed. :')
and i am sorry for this. i promised forever but thats not possible
people need hijrah, including me.
:)
auww but no worries, there are a lot more people behind u.

remember, i have given you my Faith,
keep it. and dont lose it

always me :)

happy birthday to me

so i turned 26 today :)

alhamdulillah another year older, wiser also i hope :) hehe. juga berdoa semoga iman bertambah seiring dengan usia. insyaAllah.

2 years back, i had my birthday in mekah - the best moment ever! :') masih rindukan tanah suci itu. 

a year back, i celebrated with my sisters plus with my momot, dee, kat nerofico. memories. :)

and last year ive received a watch for my bday, which started everything :)

and okay, this year my close friends in klang threw me a surprise party, the first one was on 15th june, friday ( 2days before my birthday)

ahli2 terlibat : fiza, feela, alia, wong, fai, azila, syazana, azreen, tariq, fir, yinn, hafiz, azan, faizal,kaksue, kakya, and him :)

i was told by kaksue untuk temankan dia jumpa client in klang. i agreed to it, since memang takde pape pn masa tu, but i was reluctant untuk pergi apartment bayu perdana tu cz tak berapa pandai jalan tu. so i told kaksue, why not jumpa client at starbucks bukit tinggi cz masa tu happy hour, the frappucinos all are half price! hehe 

but dia ckp tanak jumpa kat situ sbb her client is an old man, with parkinson. (erks) hehe.

so i picked her up from her office n kakya pn ada sekali. i was so hungry cz rushing from putrajaya jugak masa tu. so when we arrived there, kaksue berkelakuan aneh by keep on laughing n sorok her phone from me *weird plus angry face* hehe.

pusing2 to find the parking space suddenly nampak kereta yinn, fiza n feela *dlm hati terus sumpah fiza sbb she lied to me kata kerja frm 3-10pm, pffft*

and paling kelakar kaksue told me the parkinson uncle tngu kat tepi pool to sign those documents. haih. pelik2.

so i went out to teman her and pandang kiri..... saw the group of them altogether. 

for a brief second both sides jadi stunned and only then dorang jerit surprise.

god it was a surprise! hehehe. sampai i ended up cekik kaksue for getting involved.

i was speechless tapi dlm hati upset sikit sbb wong was not there, and najmi pn tade, dua2 lambat. huhuuuu. sedihhh :(

 thank u boys and girls for the thoughts! hehehe. i will definitey remember this one!

 scene masa mula2 sampai. cekik kaksu. peluk fiza. cekik fiza. hehe

got pressies from my 2 brothers : azan n faizal. thanks u guys! 

 my early birthday celebration! yeayyy :D

 my props : balloon plain. :P hehe. okay2 im grateful enough takde balloon helium pn takpe dah :P

 the girls! the early birds la :P

me :)n- the cake dihias atas pasu n dikelilingi rumput. thanks fir :D

 one happy family. ehh, insyaAllah :D

bbq, muffins, cake, the deco, everything was perfect, thanks u guys :D

then of course i did not expect anything else from them. i was working on saturday, ended work at 7pm. memang emotional cz he told me hes working night shift. *memang i get cranky upset plus2 , mengadu non stop n pujuk dia suruh EL. hehe. *

so the plan just to chill with the girls. and bowling for that night sebab mmg dah pinky swear promise dgn wong for boling, hehe.

and i was car-less. my car was with kakya. sbb the day before dah kena kidnap for the surprise party. hehe

so fiza picked me up at 715ish. i texted him, told him our plan for the night. he just said okay, enjoy the night. hes gonna go to hosp sg buloh to send a patient there. *sad face*

we went to jeram. nak makan seafood wong ckp, and fiza was getting cranky cz she had to drive jauh plus cranky sbb urti :P haha.

but i noticed shes a bit occupied with her phone, but nevermind, just kept quiet.

arrived at aroma ikan bakar, pilih2 ikan. they all get excited and chose ikan besar sotong besar plus udang besar smbil gelak2,. i chose to gelak je. hehe

fiza n kamarul pn sebok jalan nak cari meja cantik2. 

done with the orders, suddenly perasan fiza n kamarul gelak2 plus pandang2 the other side., till i hear a birthday song sang by the staffs, together with a cake. 

and i saw my man, at the corner *i thought i was seeing things, hehe* wearing a white shirt, smiling all the way

honestly i was so speechless. hehe.

i was overwhelmed and rasa nak nanges but too happy too cry. hehe :')

and so candles ditiup lagi skali, kek potong lagi skali :D hehe.,

i was told that all of it are planned by him, auwww :)

seriously i was soooo touched. hehe, 

hopeless romantic is what fiza called him

nonetheless. i am sooo touched by everything he did to me :D

post dinner, after my man paid for everything, we all went to kg kuantan to watch firefliessss.

auwww :')

i always wanted to go there. tak sangka finalllyyy dapat jugak!

hehe

it was dark and dah takde orang,

supposedly the place closed at 1030 pm

kitorang smp dah 1130pm :P

hehe

so we went in the boat. at sharp 12 midnight they sang me a birthday song again in the boat with fireflies around us., alololo comel sgt :D

thank u to my man, for everything, for finally opening up :) thank u for everything syg! for the surprises, card, presents, n for being there with me., thru my emotional dramas. nasihat awk arifah pegang and ingat insyaAllah sampai syurga :)

and today, the real birthday. hehe. went for lunch with my parents, sisters n him. :) we went for lunch at hadra mawt. like a big happy family. itu doa saya, setiap detik ketika. insyaAllah

i just love to see him blending in the family.

semoga Allah restui dan permudahkan jalan dan urusan yang akan datang 

amin

thank you to everyone who called, texted, whatsapp-ed, line-ed, fb-ed, twitt-ed- for all the wishes and prayers. it means a whole lot to me,

thank you for making me feel special today,

semoga Allah berkati hidup kalian juga.

Amin

doa saya sempena usia 26 cuma satu, semoga Allah jadikan saya lebih baik dari sebelumnya, dari semua segi, insyaAllah,

it took me 26 years to be able to feel this. and i say Alhamdulillah :')

it has been 2 years

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

mixed feelings while writing this. we're all coming an end towards month of may, soon june will come, and by july, it has been 2 years. 2 years ive worked, and insyaAllah will complete my housemanship training period by then. tak sangka masa cepat sangat sangat berlalu :')

this one place that i hate initially menjadi semakin dekat di hati.

the one place that has given me my first ever real patient, has given me new friends, all sorts of knowledge ; be it medical or life per se, and also the place where i found love.

all these while. i keep on seeing people leaving to another place, all my senior house officers, most of them already left. and now, believe it or not. my time has come :')

sebak hati. seriously, i actually cried after knowing where i will be posted. buat masa sekarang coz there is no official letter yet, so better i remain silent. :') but its far, hundreds of kilometers away. 

i started off with Obstetric & Gynaecology. masih terbayang2 masa tu, being the most junior. rasa stress sangat especially during the tagging period. coz it requires me to obtain 10 normal deliveries etc etc so kena put extra hour, extra effort, mentang2 baru masuk kerja so memang stress sgt... i can still recall my first oncall, i was so nervous, i was put in the antenatal ward, ward 1B, dengan senior - sharifah nora. hehe

she looked damn serious, so cuak2 mcm tikus la jadinye. but turns out she teach me byk sgt. and now shes my ED mo pun :) during this posting i was close to diyana, fairuza. gosh i really miss those moments. bulan puasa n raya pun masa kat o&g. still remembered each time nak berbuka je, time tu la ada patient nak bersalin. dugaannn.. hehe

and masa raya pertama, dengar takbir from the ward. huiii feeling tak payah nak cakap la. syahdu sangat :') those were the days n will remain as memories .

next, i went to surgery, juga masih bersama fairuza, syazana (uitm team) hehe. masa surgery banyak kerja dengan senior2. be it uitm senior and  senior Ho lain. work together with awie, hazim (my Uitm seniors) and also met kak Nurul Nadia Baharum - she really taught me a lot. masa tu she was pregnant. so basically kerja saya hari2 kat ward pagi2 akan teman dia breakfast, hence i looked chubby a bit when i was in surgery. it was okay-ish posting. im not really into surgery and such, but i managed and cope coz of the fun teammates. :) kenangan masa surgery was - when i was posted in trauma ward, ward 3b. i took care of one patient yang ada severe head injury. he was in a deep coma, gcs was not full (couldnt remember already berapa exactly) and he was ventilated for so long they decided for a tracheostomy, (alat bantu nafas yang pasang kat leher)

i took care of him for months, and when i left, masa tu he actually can obey command sikit2, bila suruh dia angkat tgn n salam he will obey me. never did i know one day i will terserempak with him n his family yang dah kenal saya. they all called me n i stopped, looking confused, then i realized that was the boy i used to marah hari2 sebab tanak buka mata. surprisingly he is well (Alhamdulillah, almost cried at that time) and he salam me properly. :) that one reallly made me happy.

and cz of the consultant in the ward really particular about the patient's general condition, so kitorang kena shave patient when needed, potong kuku, buat dressing kat sacral sore yang besar gile, fuhhh memoriesss 

and seterusnya, my awesomest medical posting. masa ni medical was super fun because one whole gang entered medical. so eventhough workload dia mmg super banyak, but the stress kerja tu kurang cz u know u got real friends with you yang tak berkira kerja, i was lucky. :) memang the whole gang satu ward so eventho kitorang penat mcmana pun, we would always cover each other up, help each other up and from here i started getting close with sarah wong n fiza.. okay the whole gang was me, fiza, sarah wong, siti sarah, alia, hazrul, azreen, feela,najmi (ehem. hehe), fairuza. n leader pun awesome masa tu, it was juita. 

despite all the EOD oncalls, endless work, but seriously it was fun, managed to do a peritoneal dialysis, inserted a femoral vein cath, central venous line and many many others. this was when i started knowing najmi. hehe, despite all the busy-ness, suddenly he became one of the person i confide in. hihi. okay enough.

among the unforgettable memories were, there was this one morning i was oncall. so nak amik morning bloods yang memang banyakkk gile ( we have to start at 3am untuk finish up the whole ward on time) . so there was this one pakcik kat 1st cubicle, i kejutkan him n mcm biasa la, encik amik darah sikit ye, and pricked him with one attempt terus dapat je darah dia. but his hand mcm bengkak sikit, i dont know whether its the fragile vein or what but i compressed it for him. then afterwards when i was in 2nd cubicle suddenly the patient bising2 saying all sorts of things n was plain rude to me cz tgn dia sakit dia ckp. and he even angkat his tongkat and nearly hit me till one of my colleague stopped him, seriously i was shivering at that point of time, shocked and angry, yeah i was angry cz without reason n plain rude he treated me. so in the end he asked for my name to lodge a report against whoever he wants to complain with, and i proudly say my name is arifah, please go ahead to complain against me - lepas tu masuk bilik ho and nanges kat dlm cz i cant stop shievering. hehe, drama of the day! cz later when my friends dtg at 7am semua org terkejut seeing me crying there, :P

and there was this one night i was oncall with fairuz alia n siti sarah, it was a super busy night with non stop admissions and the 3 of us almost collapsed attended to the cases non stop. so it happened lala tersengguk kat meja and patient lodge a complaint jugak,

sometimes people forgotten that we are all human. we feel tired, we are hungry and sometimes we need to pee too you know, we are not superhuman for god's sake. 

after medical, i went to ortho, nothing special actually. except that feeling of really missing medical, and the people in it (okay maybe sebenarnya rindu najmi. hehe) so i think mainly i sailed thru the posting aje. not much memories of it i think. tapi rakan2 ward  best, as usual fairuza, naeemah, farah deena. hehe. lepas roud je makan. kalau x makan tido :P

then came paeds. i started on 1st nov 2011, and that specific date has its own memories :) stressful initially sebab being posted in special care neonatal ward. (SCN). ramai sgt baby jaundice, veins plak semua kecil2 je.. cucuk2 nnt lebam extra -__- hehe. but i got lucky cz hes also in paeds. okay lambat 2 minggu kot. but was happy throughout cz he was there, although tak sama group. but seeing him sekejap pun made my heart smile :) but masa ni jugak la dugaan bertimpa2. hehe. alhamdulillah managed to went thru it all. 

masa paeds, i was again involved in an incident, masa tu i was the one who attended the delivery (paeds standby) and the baby required admission to nicu. so staaff nurse pun kasi admission form yg dah siap berisi to me n i signed it blindly. rupanya salah label gender kat situuu. so jadi big issue sekejap but Alhamdullilah everything is fine. masa kat paeds jugak we went for a holiday to cherating. and i really really missed those moments. im gonna miss u guys sooo much!

ad my final posting which is my current one, emergency department. so far ive enjoyed working here but biasala kalau specialist perangai pelik, pelik la jadinya,. hehehe.

this was the summary of all the postings, where i was supposed to practice n gain as much knowledge cz soon ill b the one making decision. 

:')

this was masa 1st posting. hari sukan O&G! hehehe.

gosh this was 2 years back!!

 me n fairuza. sama since 1st posting lagi. till now.

i will definitely miss her :(

this was in hard rock singapore. we went to singapore after O&G.

 diyana. one of my close buddy in htar.will miss her too!!!

the happy momentss!!!

in singapore!

we turn into robots!

this was masa 2nd posting, see my chubby face! hehe

at sarah wong's place. masa ni baru2 nak baik ngan ahwong :P

diyana, fairuza n awie

the surgery team

this, a present from him masa medical

which made me...

err..

err..

ape2 lah :P

me ah wong n fiza,, 

during medical

at 9th floor room loitering :P

  

this was during my ortho time.,

brought them to janda baik :D

the rituals,.

our starbucks session :')

damn i will miss u guys the most!

dr manisha yang comel with ahwong n me

our dinner treat in serai empire

my girls.

in cherating 

love u to bits

the four of us went crazy in bandung

hehe

at sarah wong's place

masa ni bulan puasa we wanted to cook n bbq

:D

him n sharin

muka kenyang buka puasa. hehe

then we played fooseball. hehe.

this was the early days when i started to fall for him :P

berbuka at our house in andalas,

the xoxo gangs

at janda baik :)

orang2 htar ckp kitorang kembar. muka sama.

always melekat bersama2 :)

all the xoxos with my parents

at teratak tok awang kenalau janda baik :D

the ever 1st picture :P

this is it. HTAR :')

in PAC. masa 1st posting :)

thank you HTAR. you have been a great place for me to grow up. youve made me suffered, made me smile, laughed, made new friends, found love. 

it really is heartbreaking to leave. maybe i have built my comfort zone here. my daily routine would be masok kerja habis kerja, then hangout with sarah, fiza and the list goes on...

being away means i have to say goodbye. and i sucks at that. this will be indeed my hardest goodbye.

people always say forever that one day we will meet again but we all know thats not the case all the time. people changed, and got married. they have a family and sooner all you know its been years since you last meet that person. 

honestly i will miss you guys so much, that words alone are never enough to express my feelings. i cried my lungs out yesterday. im having fear of the unknown. wherever life takes us to, please know that you guys will be deeply missed. and it sucks of having to start over and make new friends, but thats life as it is :')

regardless, thanks for being by my side, for being my companinon all these while, who listened, never judging and for being the real friends that u guys are.

it breaks my heart too of having to say goodbye to him. sayu. sebak, but he seemed to not mind of not having me around. haih. i shouldnt be scared i know, cz semua kuasa Tuhan. but not seeing his face for quite some time will definitely made me cranky (ier)

fiza said, cherish the moment, dont think too much. sarah said, no matter where i am she will come visit. azan said, please appeal, im worried tgk u mcm ni :p haha. *syndrom bengong sgt smlm*  faizal said : nnt we'll come n visit. and he said: i will apply the same place as you are posted to.

u guys are kind, deifinitely will make me cry again.

till then.

i let u know when my day is up and the letter is made official.

living in the moment, blessed.