cuba kau dengar.

hari tu mood rasa sungguh down

kenapa? because i think i've lost someone close

and that made me rasa so weak, so wasted.

it almost made me cry. but on the contrary, my tears just couldnt fall.

spent the days with my sayangs.

semoga Allah panjangkan usia persahabatan kita. and i love u guys so much

but i still feel a wee bit sad.

sambil dengar lagu cuba dari superman kesayangan.

tak nak cakap lebih2

cuma rasa kecewa bila someone yang uve acknowledged sebagai someone very important turned out to be, not that person you thought they are.

kecewa bila akhirnya things turned out to be this way

tapi sumpah

aku penat jaga hati orang

and it turned out that people dont ever care about my feelings

so im letting it all out

i just wanna take care of myself. i dont bother about your feelings

kalau betul aku dah berubah, just let me be.

maaf ku pinta

entry ini sedikit panjang. jangan baca kalau tak nak.

ive got to come clean. before i sit for my final, before sy menjejakkan kaki ke tanah suci in few months time insyaAllah.

untuk someone yang pernah bergelar sahabat. yang pernah menjadi teman rapat. yang agak rapat. yang memang rapat lah sebenarnya. teman yang pernah buat aku senyum bila aku hampir menangis. teman yang bagi aku harapan, bila aku rasa dunia ni dah jadi gelap.

terima kasih, sebab pernah buat aku tersenyum gembira

terima kasih sebab pernah bagi semangat untuk aku, suruh aku belajar rajin2, suruh aku jangan putus asa. sebab pernah kisahkan aku dalam hidup kau.

aku bersyukur sebab Allah kurniakan kau dalam hidup aku, pada saat dan ketika yang aku memang perlukan bimbingan. u've made me realize about the greater things in life. terima kasih.

walaupun sekejap je friendship kita ni, tapi tak tahu lah kenapa kan. macam berbekas di hati. macam buat aku terkenang-kenang. biasa lah kan, bila kita kehilangan orang yang pernah rapat dalam hati kita, rasa macam janggal, buat kita terkenang-kenang semua lah. itulah aku, bila kau pergi tanpa pesan.

aku jadi susah hati. mula-mula aku ingat kau sakit. sebab tiba-tiba kau senyap tanpa berita, dalam hati mestilah risau. kalau betul-betul kau sakit, mesti sedih. tapi setelah berhari-hari tiada berita, aku cuba untuk get back to you. tapi nada suara macam sihat sangat, dan bunyi suara yang macam orang kata tak berapa sudi nak bercakap. jadi aku malu sendiri.

that was the last time i ever heard from you. selepas itu tiada lagi

from days, it has gone to weeks, months. kosong. tiada apa-apa. walaupun sepatah kata, tetap tiada. pelik bila manusia memang senang berubah. sesenang itu seseorang manusia boleh berubah, sekelip mata. takde angin, takde ribut. terus berubah, macam orang yang hilang ingatan. sesenang itu boleh lupakan seseorang. memang hebatlah kan.

kalau seorang kawan boleh berubah macam tu, maknanya mungkin value friendship aku pada dia takde makna apa-apa. maka sia-sialah semua yang pernah disacrifice kan for the sake of this friendship

sebab hakikat yang nilai persahabatan aku pada kau, takde apa-apa makna. dulu, konon kau kisahkan aku. sekarang, sepicing ingatan pun kau tiada pada aku. kau buat aku bangun dari mimpi yang dulu, dan bila saat aku hampir boleh berdiri, kau buat aku jatuh lagi. sakit tahu? pasti kau tak tahu. sebab kau orangnya baik, orangnya cukup sempurna, tak mungkin layak untuk aku jadikan teman.

aku cuba untuk maafkan kau. walaupun aku tahu hakikatnya, ini bukan salah siapa2, sebab terpulang pada individu untul decide to stay friends with someone or not. tapi aku tetap terkilan. terkilan sebab sejauh ni kau drag aku, and lepas tu kau biar, buat-buat macam aku tak pernah wujud, nice... i know uve been avoiding me. sebab untuk share a few mutual friends di alam maya pun kau tak sudi, fine oh fine.

kau macam budak-budak, yang pernah aku sayang, dan aku benci.

sampai hari ni, aku cuba cari jalan yang paling baik untuk lupakan semuanya. seolah-olah macam kita tak pernah jumpa, tak pernah kenal, tak pernah dengar suara kau. sebab aku benci. bila orang yang baik dengan aku boleh turn over a new leaf dlm sekelip mata. tanpa kata-kata. sampai hari ni, aku belum boleh maafkan kau dengan seikhlas hati, aku cuba. pasti akan cuba. dan akan terus mencuba lagi.

aku tak tahu kenapa perlu tulis macam ni hari ni. padahal aku janji sudah mahu lupakan. tapi aku cuma manusia, aku bukan macam kau yang boleh lupakan semuanya. kau memang hebat, sebab sedikit pun kau sudah tidak pedulikan aku. tiada langsung agaknya ruang di hati kau untuk aku. pelik kan.

aku cuba speculate macam-macam benda tentang perubahan kau. dan konklusi yang aku dapatkan tetap sama. cuma aku cukup terkilan. sebab uve started all this. u shouldve not gone anywhere near me in the first place, tahu?

kau cakap dulu, kau tak suka main2 kan perasaan orang, kalau tak nak terus terang. nice oh nice. what have you done now. and ive come to believe that you are a good person. manusia oh manusia

apa-apa pun. terima kasih. aku jugak minta maaf atas semua dosa aku. aku banyak dosa, aku mengaku. aku berdosa sebab cakap pada kawan2 aku kau dah mati. memang bagi aku kau dah lama mati, cuma tanpa kubur. biarlah. satu hari nanti, pasti hikmahnya akan nampak jelas. cuma aku harap. kau tak ulang lagi apa yang telah kau buat pada aku kepada orang lain. jangan sampai kau ulang lagi.

aku harap kau bahagia. aku harap kau sihat sejahtera. aku harap kau sentiasa dalam lindungan-Nya sebab sebagaimana sakit pun aku kau buat, aku masih mampu untuk ingat kau.

jangan cuba datang balik pada aku, sebab aku takut dalam diri aku yang tidak sempurna ni, masih ada rasa dendam. dan aku cuba untuk tidak berdendam walaupun payah.

mungkin sebenarnya saat ini, aku rindukan kau. rindu kenapa? aku pun tak tahu. tapi selagi aku manusia, selagi aku masih bernafas, aku tahu sebenarnya aku takkan mampu untuk erase semua yang pernah aku lalui. pengalaman pasti akan mematangkan, bukan?

terima kasih mar, for all the memories weve shared. walaupun tak banyak mana. but u were there satu ketika dahulu. i am sorry for all my wrongdoings, for all my imperfections. u have caused me so much pain, and i think u should know that. because what u did to me, was nothing to be proud of. satu hari nanti, semoga aku mampu untuk memaafkan, tanpa ada rasa dendam.

semoga satu hari nanti, kau akan bisa menjadi seorang yang matang, dan satu ketika nanti baru kau akan tahu betapa sakitnya aku.

ps : layan lagu FT jommm :)

1suara yang superb

hello there beautiful people. :) i'm in a greattt mood since i had the best weekend ever with my darlings :) hehe. went to satu suara concert, it was superb okay. like really really superb, amazing and semuaaa lah. memang worth it we spent rm *** for the concert. hehe. walaupun lepas ni terpaksa kais pagi makan pagi :p hehe

so the three of us, me, efie and arock bought the tickets wayyy earlier. yay to us! memang semangat sungguh la kan. hehe. when finally the day came, memang berdebar-debar oh nak pergi tengok concert. :D sebab da lameeee tak g concert, the last time was ancientt yearss ago. hehe.

omg. our seats were at the front jugak lah.. so boleh nampak diorang dengan sangat clear :) omg. hyperventilating. hehe. the show started with aizat and faizal singing the saya anak malaysia song. and somehow for the first time, rasa lagu tu macam sedap jeee :p hehe. mengada kan?

and the continued with aizat performing his songs. for a new singer, he was great, just cuma maybe lacking in his communication skills with the audience and whatnots. minor thingy la, because his voice was amazing. sedappp. hehe. the first song he sang was 'Kau Aku', which made me hold efie's hand so tighhht. huh. (memories oh memories). he sang all his hits, kau aku, pergi, lagu kita, sahabat, tribute to the beatles, (siap nyanyi lagu i wanna hold yr hand, which made giggled. hehe), and of course hanya kau yang mampu. (sambil cuba menahan air mata. ewah ewah. percayaaa tak? :P)

and thennn, of course la the great faizal tahir came out! wheeee. the crowds were like sooo crazyyy. ramai ok fans FT =D and tetibe aku terus declare jadi fans die. hehe. like seriously, faizal was so great on stage tau. his communication with the audience was marvellous. and die suke membebel, which made him looked cute. hehe. macam omg, mesti lah anak2 die selalu kena bebel ngan die. he was sooo energetic, and i keep on praying jangan la tetiba FT ni jatuh sakit plak kan. (padahal sanggup volunteer nak buat CPR kalau FT collapse. hehe).

but alhamdulillah, he was all healthy and fit, and he performed like a rockstar!! well, he IS a rockstar :) who loves to nags of course :P hehe. and he's got sense of humor, pandai buat jokes,and his english was good.

so his songs yang dia nyanyi include sampai syurga (nangis lagi. hehe), mahakarya cinta, cuba, bencinta, selamat malam, gemuruh etc etc. and he sang songs from the queen ( err, perlu lah buat aku teringat lagi. pfftt. )

and last skali, baru dato ct masuk. she was pretty that night. i love her dress, walaupun arock ckp yang bling2 kaler hitam tu mcm tak sesuai. hehe. her voiceeee, macam sungguh best. macam dalam album. or even better. mendayu2, menusuk kalbu. they sang together lagu sejati, sekuntum mawar merah etc etc. semuanyaaa sangat lah best. aizat & faizal siap nyanyi lagu traditional for us sekejap. hehe.

tapi sedih je sebab tak sedar je dah almost 12am :( and the show has ended. i cant get enough of them all. seriouslyy. mesti u guys rasa i am exaggerating, well i am nott. it was the best show. the best concert. the best of the best lah. terbaik :) and masa curtain call tu meluru2 la orang kat depan tu salam2 dorang, and we took their pictures la kan. hehe.

sadly, tak sempat nak jumpa diorang for the autograph session, because the queue was super long, but we lined up anyway. but ada la fans ni yang main rempuh je kan, sampai bodyguards semua ushered them inside terus :( kecewaaa ok. because i bought their shirts, and semangat nak dorang signnnn :(

but we didnt just give up, pergi stalk siti yang tengah ade press conference. of course lah, me and arock je, dok babai2 kat siti, comel dia terkejut tengok kitorang stalk dari luar bilik kaca tu.. pastuuu, arock siap amik gmbr siti masuk dlm kereta with her husband. ouch. now we know plate number. hehe. :P

then, pergi stalk FT plak.. ohh demmm. serious nak jumpe dieee. pergi ayat brother rambut panjang ikat ponytail tu, ayat sweet2 dahhh. and brother tu pun mcam kesian kot, terus die mcm nak bagi je masuk jumpee.. but, skali ada ramaiii orang kat depan door tu. euww marahnyeee. takde lah ramai, around 10 people...terus abang tu mcm muka guilty tak dpt nk bagi masuk. marahhhnyeee. :/

but in the end, die amik jugak our shirts and buku program for FT to sign. sukeeee :)

turns out that sebenarnye FT was still not that well. and he's tired. well well, u can always follow up with me, u know :D hahaha

(oops lupa, suami orangg. heee)

then balik tu, lepak kat yap kwan seng. hehe. kat rest rasa sayang and jumpe the musicians yang main malam tuh. hehe. or sebnrnye kitorang stalk diorang sbb arock heard they want to lepak there :P hahahaha. balik rumah efie sudah 3.30am.. masuk tido pastu mengigauuuu :P

and the next day, went for karaoke.. punyalah terus rasa nak melalak after the concert. memang sah2 nyanyi lagu FT, aizat n CT. plus lagu sejati, sekuntum mawar merah etc etc. it wasss realll fun! :D hehe. siap nyanyi2 berdiri2 atas kerusi and joget2 macam konsert kitorang sendiri. but arock and efie mcm terkaku dengar i sang this one songg... that is, pelamin anganku musnah. haahhaah :D

sedappp kan efiee? :P

after 3 hours of melalak, makan baskin robbins pula, it was on me.. and then met J and his 2 friends, usop and fadhli. (betul ke ni, ke aku blasah je? hehe) so lepak2, gelak2, memalukan diri sendiri etc etc. hahaha. siap buat muka tak malu ajak kawn j pergi concert sama2. auwww

lepastu baru balik rumah :) hehe

i had sooo much fun. i miss u girls, and i miss the days when we would do all the crazy things together (i mean all of us. huhu)

thanks to efie and arock. u girls rock :)

ps : oh enjoy the picturesss.

tshirt rockensteiner :) hehe. FT signed on it :)

FT (masa nak keluar IB) and brother yang aku ngorat tu (kat belah kanan, yang ikat rambut tu.haha)

hye, i'm dato K. u can call me K. hehe. tak nampak muka ct pn, nampak beg LV die je. hehe

us girls. :)

masa curtain call :) best best best

autograph sessionnn :)

our failed attempt to be a rockstar. paling fail mestilah aku. hehe. but we're all ROCKENSTEINERS :)

pps : private number please stop calling, rasa mcm nak marahhh je. demmm

i dont have anything to say

okay, i've watched the movie valentine's day today.. well. i was very intrigued to watch it because, patrick dempsey is in the movie, together with the hot mark sloan. and again, because of patrick dempseyy :)

hehe. so struggled hari ni lepas dengar talk by the Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam people, rushed to get the tickets. went to tropicana city mall

okay jugak the mall. macam tak ramai orang sangat, and suke lah sebab mcm privacy sikit kan :) hehe. and plus, ticket die murah. weirddd. ke ade discount raya cina or something

had our lunch at the otak-otak place. cantik restaurant dia, the concept macam style la. hehe.

the menu punye cover pun, buku sekolah punye kulit tu. hehe. cuteness. and dikelilingi oleh blackboards kat dlm restaurant. i felt young, and that's good kan? :D

then they even gave us HAPPY FAMILY CARDS for us to play with while waiting for the food. sungguh best. we played dengan bersungguh sungguh sampai ada kakak depan meja tu asyik pandang and senyum2. hehe

the movie, sadly was not that ermmm. interesting? though it was sweet and all, tapi macam..serabut sikit sebab too many characters, but ada lah the sweet moments, and plus all the actors and actresses memang santek2 and kacak2 kann. hehe. and plus, patrick dempsey was there. heheheh

oh and today we had our briefing. next month will be our interview with the suruhanjaya and hell, i am soooooo nervous. hehehe :p mengada betul nak kena interview la pulak. and kena la menghafal the organisasi semua tuh. tapi pengerusi SPA tu nama die tan sri jamaluddin, now that i will remember :p hehehe

and i have to start thinking about my choices , like seriously, i have to choose yang mana macam serasi di jiwa sebab i'll be spending most of my time there, and yes, maybe a few good years there. insyaallah.

wish me luck people.

:)

ohh, happy holiday semua. i'm not going anywhere, i'm just gonna spend the days being a nerd, because we have extra classes. yay us! :D hehe

be safe people, be safe. ( special for amyan :P)

ps : mendoakan kesejahteraan untuk aunty H yang celebrate birthday hari ni. semoga panjang umur, murah rezeki and sihat tubuh badan. insyaAllah.

pps : and oh, finally dah buang semuaaaa ancient memories.

reunion of the oldies :)

okay people. so hari ni saya sangat penat.. sebab..

hari ni ade small reunion of my daddy's friends. (okay2, tahu takde kaitan.. tapi ade jugak la sikit kan :p)

it took place at our lil home at janda baik, pahang. reunion of MPSI (maktab perguruan sultan idris, perak)

my dad bersungguh gila organize this reunion thingy, mula2 mcm malas la nak balik, but then tak sampai hati sebab my parents asyik tanya je nak dtg ke tak kan. hehe

it was awesome! to witness all the older generations tadi, mostly semua mestilah berjaya kan. and it was fun sebab tengok dorang hug each other, sambil buat lawak mase zaman kat maktab dulu :) hehe

they even look back at the old pictures while they were in college, and gelakkan each other. nice huh? and to think that most of em are now 60 plus la, masih semangat to attend the reunion. oh how beautiful the value of friendship is :)

and of course la i busy attend their spouses with my mom and other sisters. hehe. peramah pulak aku hari ni. ahemmm :P seronok bila dengar uncles-uncles tu cerita about my dad while he was in college dulu, and gave me some motivational thoughts since well, i'm the only one in the sibling yang masih study.. ohhh thank u uncles! :)

so macam.... nanti bila kita dah tua kita buat reunion jugak eh kawan2? hehe. oh lupa, diorang semangat siap ada baca sajak, nyanyi la, main keyboard la. hehe. so nanti kawan2, masa kita reunion kita buat pancaragam la. hehe :P

(terbayang muka masing2 bila dah tua, muka ada wrinkles, dah pakai dentures, ohh nice! :D hehe)

enjoy the pictures..!

my ever pretty mom in the centre with wives yang datang.

ini semua cikguuuu tauuu! hehe. comel jek. oh hensemnyee daddy i! hehe

note yg gambar uncle baju hitam pakai spek tu, muka dia mcm arwah uncle i (adik my dad), sbb tu i letak gmbr ni, rinduuu T__T

uncle semangat main keyboard. hehe. comell jek!

our cars.

okay i letak gmbr ni sebab uncle ni hemsemmm. eh tipu jek. sebab ade gmbr budak pompuan kat blakng tu. hehe. aheemmmm!:P

my dad with his friends...semoga dipanjangkan umur semua,murah rezeki, sihat tubuh badan. aminnn :)

their old picture. jom cari mana satu my dad!! haha. boleh juling mata nak cari ni :P

i letak gmbr ni sebab suke camera uncle ni. hehe. plus uncle ni baik. plus emsem. hehe. (sorry kalau uncle ni ayah korang ke. hehe)

see, tengok gmbr2 lama. kenangan kann :)

ohh, ini anak sedara liza izyani. hehe. aku geram jek tengok amir ni comel sgt lized weh! :P

the banner.

our teratak at janda baik

ps : tapi semua org asyik nak tanye i bile nak kawennn.demmm! i muda lagii tauu! hehe

pps : its been 100 days. and i am still here, i'm fine :)

aku jatuh cinta

sudah lama mencari

tapi tak ku temui

rasa yang selalu

ada di hati

ada di hati

kini aku temui

jalan cerita cinta

sekian lama mencari cinta

dulu cinta tiada lagi

dan aku masih mencari-cari

kerna hatiku sanggup menunggu

cinta dari mu

cinta dari mu

memang benar aku sudah jatuh cinta

memang benar aku hampir jadi resah

bila cinta dari mu hadir

bagai lena dari mimpi

bagai terasa

bagai terasa

dulu cinta tiada lagi

dan aku masih mencari-cari

kerna hatiku sanggup menunggu

cinta dari mu

cinta dari mu

memang benar aku sudah jatuh cinta

memang benar kata hatiku padamu

tapi aku tak kuasa

menyatakan padamu

rasa cintaku

rasa cintaku

buatmu selamanya

:)

liyana jasmay : aku jatuh cinta.

NOT! :P

when i'm scared

i am now in the last posting of my clinical rotation. the last posting ever as an undergrad student, insyaAllah. rasa macam thrilled, that i made it up to this point, but of course lah cuak kan. that my student days are now becoming more obselete. so sila kuatkan hati untuk face the most difficult, the most unfair exams on earth, and that's the words my dean always says (siang tadi pon die cakap lagi. hukhuk)

anyway, it's nothing new la kan. i have my finals in couple of weeks time, and i have to work my ass off.

erm.. ive been feeling a weird feeling these past few days. ehemmmmm. *coughs*

i dont what this is exactly, but i'm scared, and happy. happy kenapa? dont ask, i also dont know :P

just that i dont know what to feel? does that make any sense

but hell yeah, i'm scared and i dont want to hurt myself anymore. faham ke? haha

but i hope this is just one temporary feeling, and it will passed. hopefully. fingers crossed.

walaupun, it has happened before, but that doesnt count la, masa zaman kanak-kanak lagi

ok shut up! :D

pegang hatiku Tuhan, lindungi aku.

jagakan hatiku

as my heart is very fragile and couldnt risk of falling again.

permudahkan semuanya.

semoga ada sinar di esok hari. amin