it has been 2 years

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

mixed feelings while writing this. we're all coming an end towards month of may, soon june will come, and by july, it has been 2 years. 2 years ive worked, and insyaAllah will complete my housemanship training period by then. tak sangka masa cepat sangat sangat berlalu :')

this one place that i hate initially menjadi semakin dekat di hati.

the one place that has given me my first ever real patient, has given me new friends, all sorts of knowledge ; be it medical or life per se, and also the place where i found love.

all these while. i keep on seeing people leaving to another place, all my senior house officers, most of them already left. and now, believe it or not. my time has come :')

sebak hati. seriously, i actually cried after knowing where i will be posted. buat masa sekarang coz there is no official letter yet, so better i remain silent. :') but its far, hundreds of kilometers away. 

i started off with Obstetric & Gynaecology. masih terbayang2 masa tu, being the most junior. rasa stress sangat especially during the tagging period. coz it requires me to obtain 10 normal deliveries etc etc so kena put extra hour, extra effort, mentang2 baru masuk kerja so memang stress sgt... i can still recall my first oncall, i was so nervous, i was put in the antenatal ward, ward 1B, dengan senior - sharifah nora. hehe

she looked damn serious, so cuak2 mcm tikus la jadinye. but turns out she teach me byk sgt. and now shes my ED mo pun :) during this posting i was close to diyana, fairuza. gosh i really miss those moments. bulan puasa n raya pun masa kat o&g. still remembered each time nak berbuka je, time tu la ada patient nak bersalin. dugaannn.. hehe

and masa raya pertama, dengar takbir from the ward. huiii feeling tak payah nak cakap la. syahdu sangat :') those were the days n will remain as memories .

next, i went to surgery, juga masih bersama fairuza, syazana (uitm team) hehe. masa surgery banyak kerja dengan senior2. be it uitm senior and  senior Ho lain. work together with awie, hazim (my Uitm seniors) and also met kak Nurul Nadia Baharum - she really taught me a lot. masa tu she was pregnant. so basically kerja saya hari2 kat ward pagi2 akan teman dia breakfast, hence i looked chubby a bit when i was in surgery. it was okay-ish posting. im not really into surgery and such, but i managed and cope coz of the fun teammates. :) kenangan masa surgery was - when i was posted in trauma ward, ward 3b. i took care of one patient yang ada severe head injury. he was in a deep coma, gcs was not full (couldnt remember already berapa exactly) and he was ventilated for so long they decided for a tracheostomy, (alat bantu nafas yang pasang kat leher)

i took care of him for months, and when i left, masa tu he actually can obey command sikit2, bila suruh dia angkat tgn n salam he will obey me. never did i know one day i will terserempak with him n his family yang dah kenal saya. they all called me n i stopped, looking confused, then i realized that was the boy i used to marah hari2 sebab tanak buka mata. surprisingly he is well (Alhamdulillah, almost cried at that time) and he salam me properly. :) that one reallly made me happy.

and cz of the consultant in the ward really particular about the patient's general condition, so kitorang kena shave patient when needed, potong kuku, buat dressing kat sacral sore yang besar gile, fuhhh memoriesss 

and seterusnya, my awesomest medical posting. masa ni medical was super fun because one whole gang entered medical. so eventhough workload dia mmg super banyak, but the stress kerja tu kurang cz u know u got real friends with you yang tak berkira kerja, i was lucky. :) memang the whole gang satu ward so eventho kitorang penat mcmana pun, we would always cover each other up, help each other up and from here i started getting close with sarah wong n fiza.. okay the whole gang was me, fiza, sarah wong, siti sarah, alia, hazrul, azreen, feela,najmi (ehem. hehe), fairuza. n leader pun awesome masa tu, it was juita. 

despite all the EOD oncalls, endless work, but seriously it was fun, managed to do a peritoneal dialysis, inserted a femoral vein cath, central venous line and many many others. this was when i started knowing najmi. hehe, despite all the busy-ness, suddenly he became one of the person i confide in. hihi. okay enough.

among the unforgettable memories were, there was this one morning i was oncall. so nak amik morning bloods yang memang banyakkk gile ( we have to start at 3am untuk finish up the whole ward on time) . so there was this one pakcik kat 1st cubicle, i kejutkan him n mcm biasa la, encik amik darah sikit ye, and pricked him with one attempt terus dapat je darah dia. but his hand mcm bengkak sikit, i dont know whether its the fragile vein or what but i compressed it for him. then afterwards when i was in 2nd cubicle suddenly the patient bising2 saying all sorts of things n was plain rude to me cz tgn dia sakit dia ckp. and he even angkat his tongkat and nearly hit me till one of my colleague stopped him, seriously i was shivering at that point of time, shocked and angry, yeah i was angry cz without reason n plain rude he treated me. so in the end he asked for my name to lodge a report against whoever he wants to complain with, and i proudly say my name is arifah, please go ahead to complain against me - lepas tu masuk bilik ho and nanges kat dlm cz i cant stop shievering. hehe, drama of the day! cz later when my friends dtg at 7am semua org terkejut seeing me crying there, :P

and there was this one night i was oncall with fairuz alia n siti sarah, it was a super busy night with non stop admissions and the 3 of us almost collapsed attended to the cases non stop. so it happened lala tersengguk kat meja and patient lodge a complaint jugak,

sometimes people forgotten that we are all human. we feel tired, we are hungry and sometimes we need to pee too you know, we are not superhuman for god's sake. 

after medical, i went to ortho, nothing special actually. except that feeling of really missing medical, and the people in it (okay maybe sebenarnya rindu najmi. hehe) so i think mainly i sailed thru the posting aje. not much memories of it i think. tapi rakan2 ward  best, as usual fairuza, naeemah, farah deena. hehe. lepas roud je makan. kalau x makan tido :P

then came paeds. i started on 1st nov 2011, and that specific date has its own memories :) stressful initially sebab being posted in special care neonatal ward. (SCN). ramai sgt baby jaundice, veins plak semua kecil2 je.. cucuk2 nnt lebam extra -__- hehe. but i got lucky cz hes also in paeds. okay lambat 2 minggu kot. but was happy throughout cz he was there, although tak sama group. but seeing him sekejap pun made my heart smile :) but masa ni jugak la dugaan bertimpa2. hehe. alhamdulillah managed to went thru it all. 

masa paeds, i was again involved in an incident, masa tu i was the one who attended the delivery (paeds standby) and the baby required admission to nicu. so staaff nurse pun kasi admission form yg dah siap berisi to me n i signed it blindly. rupanya salah label gender kat situuu. so jadi big issue sekejap but Alhamdullilah everything is fine. masa kat paeds jugak we went for a holiday to cherating. and i really really missed those moments. im gonna miss u guys sooo much!

ad my final posting which is my current one, emergency department. so far ive enjoyed working here but biasala kalau specialist perangai pelik, pelik la jadinya,. hehehe.

this was the summary of all the postings, where i was supposed to practice n gain as much knowledge cz soon ill b the one making decision. 

:')

this was masa 1st posting. hari sukan O&G! hehehe.

gosh this was 2 years back!!

 me n fairuza. sama since 1st posting lagi. till now.

i will definitely miss her :(

this was in hard rock singapore. we went to singapore after O&G.

 diyana. one of my close buddy in htar.will miss her too!!!

the happy momentss!!!

in singapore!

we turn into robots!

this was masa 2nd posting, see my chubby face! hehe

at sarah wong's place. masa ni baru2 nak baik ngan ahwong :P

diyana, fairuza n awie

the surgery team

this, a present from him masa medical

which made me...

err..

err..

ape2 lah :P

me ah wong n fiza,, 

during medical

at 9th floor room loitering :P

  

this was during my ortho time.,

brought them to janda baik :D

the rituals,.

our starbucks session :')

damn i will miss u guys the most!

dr manisha yang comel with ahwong n me

our dinner treat in serai empire

my girls.

in cherating 

love u to bits

the four of us went crazy in bandung

hehe

at sarah wong's place

masa ni bulan puasa we wanted to cook n bbq

:D

him n sharin

muka kenyang buka puasa. hehe

then we played fooseball. hehe.

this was the early days when i started to fall for him :P

berbuka at our house in andalas,

the xoxo gangs

at janda baik :)

orang2 htar ckp kitorang kembar. muka sama.

always melekat bersama2 :)

all the xoxos with my parents

at teratak tok awang kenalau janda baik :D

the ever 1st picture :P

this is it. HTAR :')

in PAC. masa 1st posting :)

thank you HTAR. you have been a great place for me to grow up. youve made me suffered, made me smile, laughed, made new friends, found love. 

it really is heartbreaking to leave. maybe i have built my comfort zone here. my daily routine would be masok kerja habis kerja, then hangout with sarah, fiza and the list goes on...

being away means i have to say goodbye. and i sucks at that. this will be indeed my hardest goodbye.

people always say forever that one day we will meet again but we all know thats not the case all the time. people changed, and got married. they have a family and sooner all you know its been years since you last meet that person. 

honestly i will miss you guys so much, that words alone are never enough to express my feelings. i cried my lungs out yesterday. im having fear of the unknown. wherever life takes us to, please know that you guys will be deeply missed. and it sucks of having to start over and make new friends, but thats life as it is :')

regardless, thanks for being by my side, for being my companinon all these while, who listened, never judging and for being the real friends that u guys are.

it breaks my heart too of having to say goodbye to him. sayu. sebak, but he seemed to not mind of not having me around. haih. i shouldnt be scared i know, cz semua kuasa Tuhan. but not seeing his face for quite some time will definitely made me cranky (ier)

fiza said, cherish the moment, dont think too much. sarah said, no matter where i am she will come visit. azan said, please appeal, im worried tgk u mcm ni :p haha. *syndrom bengong sgt smlm*  faizal said : nnt we'll come n visit. and he said: i will apply the same place as you are posted to.

u guys are kind, deifinitely will make me cry again.

till then.

i let u know when my day is up and the letter is made official.

living in the moment, blessed.