Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
3 more days to go.Or should i say 2 and a half.
Untuk bakal suami, nurul najmi mohd nyisak
I know.. Kita tak pernah bercinta sangat mcm org lain.. And some say we move too fast? Okay maybe la kot its quite fast.
First time i saw u was in march 2011. I was in my 3rd posting that time. Never did i know i wud be meeting my future husband there. I wasnt aware of my feelings sgt. Only after we were in separate posting i noticed i wud be thinking of texting u but i dont have anything to say to u.. But i wasnt sure thus i leave evrything to Allah. Istikharah after istikharah. Hajat after hajat.
I could still rmmber the days when we did rounds together. When we inserted cvp together. When we did tapping together. Haha. But we were only friends. The usual lunch was normal. But i rmmbr sarah wong used to say this to me, 'chups, u mcm sesuai je ngan najmi'
But i said.. No way! Hehe
I could still remember masa raya puasa 2011, i already like u. So abah ada buat open house masa tu at janda baik n i so wanted u to come.. So i invited u. Surprisingly, u came!! Walaupun masa mula2 tu segan la nk tanya awk nk dtg ke tak.. Tp sebab tunggu awk x update pun i asked u.. Then u said will come after o&g rounds.. :) o was nervous masa tu tunggu awak sampai. Rasa happy2 sgt. Haha. And masa tu kaksu pun da tau i like u. So she started to kacau2 u that time. That was the first time u met my family.
If only i have the old texts between us.. That wud be priceless. And the feeling hit me after that. N i confessed to u october of 2011. After few months of trying to keep hold of it . Yeah i was the kind of girl who cant contain her feelings sgt. Haha. Sooo i blurted it out via viber. It took u 4 days to reply, and u said.. Please dont discard your feelings
After that there was nothing official pun. We just become closer. Texting more often. But rarely calls. Memang sgt jarang call and x pernah bergayut on phone. Mula2 dulu rasa weird sbb kenapa u never call. But then again after some time..i slowly try to understand u.
U said.. Tanak bercinta beriya before nikah.
I was speechless. Sbb tak pernah ada org yg sy kenal yg mcm awak ni. U were different. in every way thats possible. U were different.
From the early days that we met.. U always ajak puasa together.. Even the 1st time we ever 'keluar' together, just the 2 of us pun masa nak berbuka puasa... I was so nervous. Didnt know how to react depan awak. Taktau nk panggil awak ape cz we used to ' aku kau' then nameless for a while.. Haha. Till we decide on awk n org. But i do call u yang sometimes. N u did call me yang beberapa kali :p sooo unromantic! Hehe
We went thru the chaos of htar together. I cried when i was about to leave htar. I was scared of losing you. I was scared of uncertainties. I cried so hard that night n that was the night u opened up to me. N slowly i built back my confidence that if it was meant to be, eventually Allah will pave the way for us.
I know. Ada orang pernah tanya saya why i stayed with u during the period of uncertainty. I was sad that time tp i believed that dari mula whn i was scared to fall for u, i prayed to Him to show the way and the feelings never subside. Always stay within me.
I found my peace in you. I found my home in you. Each time i looked at a happy couple, i silently pray to Allah, please Allah let me have a happyfamily with u. I dont want to love u that much too. I want to love u for the sake of Allah. :')
Its funny how life spins. I know u never propose to me properly. We just go on as what the family wishes. Im still scared at this point sebenarnya but i believe Allah is with us. DIA maha tahu segalanya. When the road is open up for us, pasti ada hikmah yg tersembunyi di sebaliknya.
Now we are this close to being in a halal relationship
All thse while weve been in haram relationship i know. Sbb tu awak pun x nak kita ckp2 phone sgt. Tanak selalu jumpa especially lepas tunang. Sebab tu jugak saya respect awak. For a guy who knows his batas2 agama n never let Allah slips away from him, in shaaAllah saya yakin dan percaya im on the right path..
Doa saya, semoga Allah tenangkan hati kita berdua, semoga Allah pupuk rasa cinta antara kita setelah sah lafaz akad nanti. Semoga Allah anugerahkan kita zuriat penyambung kasih dan pembela agama. Ameen. Semoga Allah anugerahkan syurga dunia dan akhirat buat kita. Semoga susah senang kita, kita hadapi sama sama. Semoga kita takkan termakan hasutan syaitan. Semoga apa pun dugaan kita, biarlah kita bersama.
I know im not perfect. U could find a better person than me. But ive always loved u. I dont say it often to u. Pernah 2 kali ke 3 kali je sbb segan nak ckp cmtu. I hope i could be a good wife to u. Menjadi kekuatan tika lemah. Menjadi penyembuh ketika duka. Menjadi penawar segalanya. Menjadi sahabat, isteri, pelengkap jiwa. Bimbinglah saya menuju syurga. In shaa Allah i wud always take care of myself, the way i walk, the way i talk, the way i dress cz it will all come back to u as a husband later.
Biarlah saat pertama kali tangan kita bersentuh, saat selepas akad nikah untuk salaman pertama seorang saya kepada awak. Jujur i always wonder how does it feel to be able to hold your hands. *sebab jari awak cantik, slaps myself* hehe. I guess i would know in 3 days time.
Untuk kesekian kalinya .
Semoga Allah redha akan kasih seorang saya kepada seorang awak. Semoga Allah pupuk cinta di hati seorang awak dan saya selepas sah akad. Semoga ada bahagia untuk seorang saya dan seorang awak, bersama sama sehingga ke Jannah. Biarlah saya menjadi bidadari di syurga yang memegang payung emas di sana menanti seorang awak. Hanya seorang awak di hati seorang saya.
Setelah Allah, Rasul S.AW dan ibu bapa. Hanya seorang awak. Tiada lain.
Selamat datang, bakal suami.
Saya kasih kan seorang awak. Kerana Allah
