memo

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

remember when i told u guys here i'll be leaving selangor?
i am now starting the countdown already :')
it is officially 15 more days in HTAR (Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah, Klang)

cant believe it. yet it is still the truth
Allah is the greatest planner and me as the servant must trust His plan
insyaAllah this is for the best
but tipu lah kalau tak sedih kannn

actually sedih sangat..
the feeling of you have to get out from yr comfort zone.
but its okay. i know i' ll be okay.

for now. we are acting like normal.
like we wont say goodbye in few days time
tak mahu sedih2. just chill n live in the moment
but eventually we would have to part,
but i hope and pray it is only for a while.. :)

so here...
the most meaningful song for me.
this one is for my better half (insyaAllah)

Song : Memo
Singer : Yuna

i dont mind if you wanna stay
with that smile upon your face
hang around for a little while please
dont drive away even for a mile

different continents, its not a thing
cause i know that we'll be okay
endless borders, countless days
our love will pave the way

cause i'll be your wall
for you to lean on
when you fall just try to hold on
i'll be back in your arms
together we'll always be for what may come
for what may come

i dont mind if you're far away
i'll be waiting for you anyway
under the sky of sunshine or rain
i know im gonna be in your arms again

different continents, its not a thing
cause i know that we'll be okay
endless borders, countless days
our love will pave the way

cause i'll be your wall
for you to lean on
when you fall just try to hold on
i'll be back in your arms
try to hold on
i'll be back in your arms
together we;'ll always be for what may come :')

untuk awak. i hope you know that it breaks me to say goodbye.
im scared to move on, scared to lose you initially
but then again i believe He knows whats best for us.
if this is a small test for us, then let it be
:)
i trust you and i believe you trust me, too :)
and we trust Him more. so no worries i guess.
one day i'll be back. and i hope and pray things will get better each day
please know that you are always in my doa.
i do not know what the future holds for us.
but i pray you will stay. and be the one man leading me :)

if will never regret those long texts sent via viber in october, that one thing i did is the one finally leading me back closer to Him
thank you.
for your presence, for every smile you put on my face
for willing to 'paint' me as your fave and make me yours.
you will be fine in His watch.
and we will be fine InsyaAllah

ps: im not that far u know. but i know i will miss you. no one will pamper u in HTAR now. hehe,
take care my man. i will definitely cry ( dlm hati)
be strong, take care of your iman.

love.

the change

talking about a change.
well everyone needs a change.
maybe not now, but somehow everyone will have to change
cuma kadang2 mungkin the power of will tak cukup.
scared of everyone else's opinion

change meaning turning a new leaf
from not so good to good
from good to better
from better to best
insyaAllah

i am no angel
masih kadang2 terlepas kata.
terlepas perilaku
but i feel something since i turned 26 couple of weeks ago
although constantly thinking about it
cuma after my birthday tu.. something just happened in my heart
i couldnt precisely say what it is.
and another factor is maybe after reading his birthday wishes to me,
masya Allah i couldnt sleep after that.

and the experience of attending the Being Me course
makes me wanna cry,
masyaAllah i am so glad i went to the course
while i was driving on the way to Matrade last week.
there are many cars causing a tiny bit of traffic jams and all of them are Muslimah drivers.
their power of will to gain knowledge makes me feel so small
i was so excited and overwhelmed seeing the crowd. semuanya wanita Muslim covered up,
ramai2 dtg untuk dengar and gain knowledge.
i was blessed and always gonna be thankful that i went to the course :)

so i am gonna change bit by bit insyaAllah
i am full with sins. astaghfirullahazim.
they say once u feel it, that is the Hidayah
change yourself
cause u never know that might be the last Hidayah Allah sent to you
dont ignore it, you never know when you will be invited to alam barzakh

Alhamdulillah
thank you Allah for still loving me
though i am full with sins
ive wronged
thank you for sending the message right through my heart
help me to change
i need You

and thank you Allah for sending najmi to me
i do not know of what the future holds for us
but he taught me a lot
and brings me even closer to You.
i pray that he will be my Imam one day
the one guiding till Jannah insyaAllah
but if he is not meant for me, he is one blessing i will never forgot
yet will always be thankful for his presence.

and dear friends
please remind me if ever you see me astrayed
im weak
but i will try to change
insyaAllah

Radhi tu billahi rabba. wabil islami dina wabi muhammadin nabiyya warasula 

goodbye faith

a late entry. sebab i find it very hard to update via phone.
dont know why.

okay.
i was about to narrate about my final goodbye to faizal tahir :)
its not a big thing actually.
but to me, personally... it is a big thing
this does not comes out of sudden.
memang dah lama ada niat. tapi certain people asked me to at least wait for his solo concert
which happened on the 1st july. KL Live centre.
manusia berpegang pada janji kan :) so am i :)

personally. that night it wasnt the best coming out from faizal.
no gimmick. just him. :)
and his health condition does not permit him to perform that well.
but it was good. :) to me, it brings me back to those days when i first started
who would have thought that years could pass by so fast.
just like in a blnk of an eye.

it was a special night cause my favorite artiste performed,. with his great bandmates.
and my sisters were all there. well except kak asmak. and sue.
and my close friends from klang also participated.
and my better half was there with me :)
i am the happiest girl alive :)

remembering back. Faizal Tahir was not just FT,
he is always be remembered, as someone who is kind enough to pray for my success. i will never forget the day he prayed for my final exam. i was still touched when i read the doa. and i was a stranger to him at that time. but he prayed anyway :')
he is always gonna be the first and the last artiste that i sent off to the airport.
it happened in kota bharu kelantan.
and that was the first time i managed to 'talk' to him in person.  and saw him being him; loosened up.
:')
and he is always gonna be the one who nags a lot at me. and melatah a lot., hehe
and of course, he will always be the one who leads me to the rockensteiners family. and we bonded and built an ukhwah. kerana Allah. semoga Allah merestui

never again will i experence those moments.
the moment when he ignored me totally when he was on stage in Kota Bharu and even ran away when i tried to snap a picture with me, and said to me"eh awk siapa, tak kenal" . hehe
never again will i 'menggigil' after seeing him in person.
never again will i drive all the way to penang only to arrive in the dawn. and heard hanyut live for the first time at such hour. and saw them jagged face - too tired, and he was wearing a bathrobe. hehe.
those were the days
never again will i embarass myself by playing like a lil kid at the kids pool only to realize that the star is being interviewed at the lobby and he was looking straight at us. darn :P
never again will i be called as the royale FT frontliner,
and the name itself was not made up. it happened in hard rock penang- rock for the cure event.
he said on stage "can the front row people raise up their hands. just the front row. okay now turn around. turn aroud. okay people. these are my frontliners. " :') memories that cannot be replaced nor erased.
never again will i drive all the way to kuala terengganu in a small packed car. hehe.
never again will i hear those words " pandang orang2 sebelah kiri saya ni, mana saya pergi diorang selalu ada"
never again will i be able to take stupid faces pictures with him
never again will i be getting prank calls saying that theres an iftar event, only to find out that i was overdressed in my open house baju as he called it. haha :P
never again will i be racing my lil onit with his white knight
never again will i sing in front of him and the crowd on stage. hihi *ifar RC event*
never again will i order a shoe shaped cake nor a guitar shaped cake. :')

there are too many memories.
that the rest, i think its best for me to keep it on my own.
and so. it is hard for me cause we had so much memories.
ive watched his career expanding, success turning to reality.
witnessed his happy and sad moments.

but life has got to go on. i wanted a new me. for the benefits of myself.
maybe one day you will understand

and so. as promised
when he was about to sing semesta, as the closing song for the concert
part of me is breaking, realizing that this is the last one ill be holding hands singing along with the people i love, live in front of the rockstar himself.
and yes, i couldnt manage to look at him or the band.
it feels sad. to finally say goodbye.
no regrets. this is it.

i know he'll be fine.
there are so many people who will continue supporting him
and i will too. but this time only thru my prayers
doa saya segala yang terbaik untuk dia. semoga imannya bertambah seiring usia, semoga dia sabar, tabah, dan tidak mudah hanyut. amin
may you be guided by HIM in every way thats possible

terima kasih FT
for given me the chance to be the lucky one. among your thousands fan. i was lucky\
those memories i will always treasure and secure it.
one day i think im gonna tell my granddaughter that the legend faizal tahir used to know me. hehe. :P
thank you for everything that uve done
budi baik anda, saya ucap terima kasih yang teramat sangat. you are always kind to me.
i was blessed. :')
and i am sorry for this. i promised forever but thats not possible
people need hijrah, including me.
:)
auww but no worries, there are a lot more people behind u.

remember, i have given you my Faith,
keep it. and dont lose it

always me :)

happy birthday to me

so i turned 26 today :)

alhamdulillah another year older, wiser also i hope :) hehe. juga berdoa semoga iman bertambah seiring dengan usia. insyaAllah.

2 years back, i had my birthday in mekah - the best moment ever! :') masih rindukan tanah suci itu. 

a year back, i celebrated with my sisters plus with my momot, dee, kat nerofico. memories. :)

and last year ive received a watch for my bday, which started everything :)

and okay, this year my close friends in klang threw me a surprise party, the first one was on 15th june, friday ( 2days before my birthday)

ahli2 terlibat : fiza, feela, alia, wong, fai, azila, syazana, azreen, tariq, fir, yinn, hafiz, azan, faizal,kaksue, kakya, and him :)

i was told by kaksue untuk temankan dia jumpa client in klang. i agreed to it, since memang takde pape pn masa tu, but i was reluctant untuk pergi apartment bayu perdana tu cz tak berapa pandai jalan tu. so i told kaksue, why not jumpa client at starbucks bukit tinggi cz masa tu happy hour, the frappucinos all are half price! hehe 

but dia ckp tanak jumpa kat situ sbb her client is an old man, with parkinson. (erks) hehe.

so i picked her up from her office n kakya pn ada sekali. i was so hungry cz rushing from putrajaya jugak masa tu. so when we arrived there, kaksue berkelakuan aneh by keep on laughing n sorok her phone from me *weird plus angry face* hehe.

pusing2 to find the parking space suddenly nampak kereta yinn, fiza n feela *dlm hati terus sumpah fiza sbb she lied to me kata kerja frm 3-10pm, pffft*

and paling kelakar kaksue told me the parkinson uncle tngu kat tepi pool to sign those documents. haih. pelik2.

so i went out to teman her and pandang kiri..... saw the group of them altogether. 

for a brief second both sides jadi stunned and only then dorang jerit surprise.

god it was a surprise! hehehe. sampai i ended up cekik kaksue for getting involved.

i was speechless tapi dlm hati upset sikit sbb wong was not there, and najmi pn tade, dua2 lambat. huhuuuu. sedihhh :(

 thank u boys and girls for the thoughts! hehehe. i will definitey remember this one!

 scene masa mula2 sampai. cekik kaksu. peluk fiza. cekik fiza. hehe

got pressies from my 2 brothers : azan n faizal. thanks u guys! 

 my early birthday celebration! yeayyy :D

 my props : balloon plain. :P hehe. okay2 im grateful enough takde balloon helium pn takpe dah :P

 the girls! the early birds la :P

me :)n- the cake dihias atas pasu n dikelilingi rumput. thanks fir :D

 one happy family. ehh, insyaAllah :D

bbq, muffins, cake, the deco, everything was perfect, thanks u guys :D

then of course i did not expect anything else from them. i was working on saturday, ended work at 7pm. memang emotional cz he told me hes working night shift. *memang i get cranky upset plus2 , mengadu non stop n pujuk dia suruh EL. hehe. *

so the plan just to chill with the girls. and bowling for that night sebab mmg dah pinky swear promise dgn wong for boling, hehe.

and i was car-less. my car was with kakya. sbb the day before dah kena kidnap for the surprise party. hehe

so fiza picked me up at 715ish. i texted him, told him our plan for the night. he just said okay, enjoy the night. hes gonna go to hosp sg buloh to send a patient there. *sad face*

we went to jeram. nak makan seafood wong ckp, and fiza was getting cranky cz she had to drive jauh plus cranky sbb urti :P haha.

but i noticed shes a bit occupied with her phone, but nevermind, just kept quiet.

arrived at aroma ikan bakar, pilih2 ikan. they all get excited and chose ikan besar sotong besar plus udang besar smbil gelak2,. i chose to gelak je. hehe

fiza n kamarul pn sebok jalan nak cari meja cantik2. 

done with the orders, suddenly perasan fiza n kamarul gelak2 plus pandang2 the other side., till i hear a birthday song sang by the staffs, together with a cake. 

and i saw my man, at the corner *i thought i was seeing things, hehe* wearing a white shirt, smiling all the way

honestly i was so speechless. hehe.

i was overwhelmed and rasa nak nanges but too happy too cry. hehe :')

and so candles ditiup lagi skali, kek potong lagi skali :D hehe.,

i was told that all of it are planned by him, auwww :)

seriously i was soooo touched. hehe, 

hopeless romantic is what fiza called him

nonetheless. i am sooo touched by everything he did to me :D

post dinner, after my man paid for everything, we all went to kg kuantan to watch firefliessss.

auwww :')

i always wanted to go there. tak sangka finalllyyy dapat jugak!

hehe

it was dark and dah takde orang,

supposedly the place closed at 1030 pm

kitorang smp dah 1130pm :P

hehe

so we went in the boat. at sharp 12 midnight they sang me a birthday song again in the boat with fireflies around us., alololo comel sgt :D

thank u to my man, for everything, for finally opening up :) thank u for everything syg! for the surprises, card, presents, n for being there with me., thru my emotional dramas. nasihat awk arifah pegang and ingat insyaAllah sampai syurga :)

and today, the real birthday. hehe. went for lunch with my parents, sisters n him. :) we went for lunch at hadra mawt. like a big happy family. itu doa saya, setiap detik ketika. insyaAllah

i just love to see him blending in the family.

semoga Allah restui dan permudahkan jalan dan urusan yang akan datang 

amin

thank you to everyone who called, texted, whatsapp-ed, line-ed, fb-ed, twitt-ed- for all the wishes and prayers. it means a whole lot to me,

thank you for making me feel special today,

semoga Allah berkati hidup kalian juga.

Amin

doa saya sempena usia 26 cuma satu, semoga Allah jadikan saya lebih baik dari sebelumnya, dari semua segi, insyaAllah,

it took me 26 years to be able to feel this. and i say Alhamdulillah :')