twisty me.

feels like i wanna write sooo many things

but somehow my ability to form sentences is restricted. limited

maybe it's my defense mechanism of trying to protect myself.

from what? that one, i'm not so sure of.

but one fact is that, when you think that you've moved forward.

the next thing you know, you were dragged back to the past

the past may not always about the ugly memories. even the sweet ones.

i was browsing through the old memories

of the memories since i was 5 0r 6

then during my primary days.

then my high school years. gosh, those were the sweetest memories ever!

i am sure that those days. i am pure innocent!

oh how i missed the days so baddddd.

those days, all i worry about is either :

a) my pocket money is enough to buy few jajans after school or not

b) my result; cukup excellent ke tidak? (hahaha)

c) petang ni nak tengok cerita kartun ape.

and mase high school days, i am so sure that my mind revolved around this thing :

a) weekend ni, nak suroh kakak mane datang school bawak foods and all those stuffs? =_=

b) bile pakcik dobi nak hantar balik all my bedsheets, comforters etc?

c) bila laa washing room ni nak kosong? pail dah penuh ngan baju sekolah busuk. teheee

d) mintak2 tak bangun lambat esok pagi sbb tak nak berebut ngan senior (aka kene pandang slack :P)

e) instead of going to school, can i pretend to be sick and join the visit to hkl instead? (oh, my feveret! )

f) prep malam ni kat sick bay je laaa. (ehem. kate PBSM kan? :D)

seeee.. how simple life was at that moment

and now.

things get complicated each and every day, well maybe it is supposed to get this way

sesuai dengan peningkatan usia mungkin? :p

and i am not that innocent anymore perhaps? heee. like now, i senang nak marah.

dont know why but senang sgt nak trigger diri sendiri marah.... huuuu T__T

and. i curse u know if i get really pissed off. hishhhh

(maybe i should check my thyroid function no?)

but alhamdulillah, despite it all.

i am able to get things organized, or for that matter i can still rationalize of what's wrong or right. :)

so that's a good thing right?

oh. and my motivation just kicks iN!

yeahhh. thank you my inner selfff!! :D

despite of all those messy things that always menyebuk dlm otak nii

but u still managed to get motivateddd! weehooo

(thanking myself for flipping back all my record book dari sekolah2 dulu, and tengok balik all those story books/novels abah gave me sejak kecil. terharuuu!)

so pleaseeee.

dont go and try to complicate my life right now

that's the last thing i ever need. okay? :D

tengsss! :)

ps : if we fall in love, then maybe. just maybe, that is the answer to my prayer. but i doubt that would happen though :)