perkara yang menyukarkan saya apabila saya berkerja

ialah apabila unmarried mother yang masuk ward.

ia sukar untuk saya. kerana saya akan menjadi judgmental

saya akan sedikit emosi.

saya akan menjadi skeptikal

padahal itu bukan kerja saya. saya tidak patut menghukum.

saya tidak patut dan tidak perlu

but being a human

saya pasti akan menjadi sedikit terusik

kerana bukan jarang2 mereka yang masih unmarried ni masuk ward

hari2 pulak tuh

umur pun belasan lagi.

and sadly, memang majority orang Islam

who am i to judge.

but i am a bit judgmental

walaupun saya cuba sedaya upaya untuk menutupnya dengan sebuah senyuman

berjaya atau tidak, saya tidak pasti

tapi sedih.

memikirkan nasib agama sendiri. Allahualam.

ive got soo many things to write initially

and that was yesterday

im off today...isnt that nice? :) and rare, of course ;p hehe

so far, it's been almost a month since i started work

it's been hectic, challenging, kadang2 menggugat kesabaran dan keimanan

being me.. its not easy.

but i know there are others yang diluar sana yang lebih hebat dugaannya

so i know i should not complain

but being a human, i complained a lot

this one month, i cried. i regret. i did a lot of things i know i shouldnt do

i started thinking back of why i chose this path

its wrong, its sinful, i know that.. but i did it anyway

my bad, i know

i once felt like quitting but i know that this is my destiny

so there's no way i can go against fate, can i?

the only thing that keeps me going on

is the support from my loved ones

who believes in me, when i clearly doubt my own capability

i try to convince myself, that everyday, im helping to save lives

and that helps.

seeing a newborn is safely delivered, and the expression of the mother when they first heard the cry of their babies....sangat amazing

and i tried and tried to picture my own beloved mom when she delivered us...

its a hell challenging job, i shall say

because it involves two lives instead of one

and tolong doakan saya bertemu kekuatan hari ke hari.....

tolong ingatkan saya agar jangan mengeluh walaupun jadual oncalls yang sangat memenatkan

but im coping

and im doing finee

so i guess, im surviving :)

*walaupun lately im wishing for that one person to hear me... yes, im starting to miss him again.so bad.but i hope, if youre reading this, i hope you're doing fine.

but i think its not that bad..just mentally and physically challenging* now that sounds bad. haha*

sebab i still have time to hang out with my sisters, tengok teater uda n dara, sempat berhanyut bersama2.. heee

*yes, i still follow faizal's shows if u wanna know. haha*

merindui teman2 uitm mcm damnnn~ rinduuu gilaaaaaaaaa

sumpaaahhhhh :((((

rindu kehidupan semasa medical students...i wish for that time to never end.

okay now. dah emo.

tapi kak rozi lifted my spirit by her status in fb :)

Hari yg merah; benar ada amarah, gurisan berdarah, resah dan fikiran tak tentu arah.

Hari ini kekal merah jambu; ada rindu menggebu, diburu rasa perlu, fikiran tidak menentu.

Hari kelabu; buntu, tidak tahu, menunggu, membisu.

Kata saya; warna apapun itulah jln hidup yg mesti kita lalu.

An empty street
An empty house
A hole inside my heart
I’m all alone
The rooms are getting smaller
I wonder how
I wonder why
I wonder where they are
The days we had
The songs we sang together
Oh yeah
And all my love
We’re holding on forever
Reaching for the love that seems so far

So I say it in a prayer
Hope my dreams will take me there
Where the skies are blue
To see you once again my love
All the seas go coast to coast
Find the place I love the most
Where the fields are green
To see you once again my love

I tried to read
I go to work
I’m laughing with my friends
But I can’t stop
To keep myself from thinking

Oh no
I wonder how
I wonder why
I wonder where they are
The days we had
The songs we sang together
Oh yeah
And all my love
We’re holding on forever
Reaching for the love that seems so far


To hold you in my arms
To promise you my love
To tell you from my heart
You’re all I’m thinking of
Reaching for the love that seems so far

i shouldnt be missing you

but since the day we met accidentally

i keep seeing your face again

wherever you are

if you're reading this

hope youre doing well.

and hopefully that was the last time we ever see each other again..

i still miss you, when i know i shouldnt

remind me again if i forgot

the reason why i chose this road

remind me over and over again

the hopes that i carry on my shoulder

remind me again that what i do for my living

is purely something good.

remind me that whatever i do,

im trying to save someone's lives

remind me to smile if sometimes i forgot

remind me to say thanks to Allah each time i sigh

remind me to stay strong and stand tall

remind me that i have a strong heart even when the real fact is that i have not

remind me that i have such support that i can never fall

remind me to sing how to save a life.

ps: am thankful that i have amazing colleagues with me in the ward.