untuk awak

this is a letter to the man i love.

awak,
Ive got loads of things to tell u
but not sure how
so i chose to write instead
coz one of my strength used to be in writing
although it disappeared with time
hehe

thank you for coming into my life. For being a part of it, and for becoming an important person to me. I am so ever grateful that our roads crossed each other, and that we met during our medical days. you've become a close friend those days, that often i texted u to mengadu about all the stress at work. never did i realize that i will fall for you. I guessed i was blinded for a while. But alhamdulillah that it doesnt lasted long, finally He opens my eyes and heart as well. At the end of the posting, only ive realized that i could like you a lot, definitely a lot more. But i wasnt sure, and i was doubtful that maybe it was just a crush. And i ignored it. Till the day i really left the posting, and we werent working together anymore, i started to look for you. Each time i walked down the stairs, or walked to the carpark, i secretly hoped that i would bumped into you. And sometimes we did, and the days when we did terserempak, and walked back together, really made my heart smile. Have you ever see a heart that smiles? Look at mine, it does that everytime im with you :)
I was becoming a bit childish when i like someone. And that was me, falling for you

It took me long enough to figure it out, after all the istikharah, and the prayers, i still feel the same about you. And it wont go away. Slowly i confessed to all my close friends, that i, may be falling.
for you. and i started to show it to you, by all the foods delivered , as if im the mak odah of klang hospital. Hehe. One day in ramadhan month, did you remember i came at 3 in the morning to gave sahur to you. Damn i was nervous and god knows how fast my heart beats at that time. Seeing you, makes my day complete. And looking at you each time, i feel at ease, and the feeling as if ive come home. :)

I am very certain that i havent feel this before. The calmness i got each time i looked at you. The feeling of i found my home and peace eventhough i was tired to the max, dissolves soon after i looked at you.

awak,
the reason why i gave you a long long text in viber somewhere in october was because i was scared to lose you. Still am. Still scared. But i believe in Him. And i do believe that kalau niat kita ikhlas He will make the path easier for me. For us. I hope.

I actually cried the moment ive realized that i care for you more than im supposed to. That i like you a lot nore than im allowed to. Cause after years of shutting down myself. Of not allowing myself to fall deep. I did fall. Even deeper than ive fallen before. And thank god you were there to catch me. :)

i think ive loved before, had a relationship of years duration. And
I never think i could recover after too many heartbreaks. But then i did. After i met you.

awak,
im here now, for you. And you should always know that. If you're hurt, if you're tired, if you're messed up, troubled or each time you're happy, you're thrilled. I am here. No matter how, how bumpy our roads might be now, or in the days to come, you should know that you can always count on me. And that is one. I am the only one. Hehe . Elemen tamak di situ.

i want you to know that i can be clingy. I know sometimes im like that. Hehe. And can be moody. and sometimes all i wanna do is to get your attention. So please bear with me. Throughout all my emotional dramas that i portrayed, i hope you would always be the patience guy that i know. And please do, tegur orang each time i made a mistake. Each time i did something out of your liking.

And i want you to know. i was a fanatic fan of Faizal Tahir. Now dont ask me who is faizal tahir nemore. Hehe. No he is not a houseman. I used to go to all his concerts and stuffs, but if you disapprove i promised i would stop. Anything for you. Cause u mattered more.

And i want you to know that i dont really understand football. Or be it futsal. But i would love to accompany you for your match. And i hope one day i can be your company to watch football together. Though i might be sleeping half of the game. Hehe.

More than that, i want you to know, that i care about my family a lot. That they are a huge part of me, and we bonded closely. I want you to know that i will always share my problem with my sisters.and i was spoilt by my parents. They never let me live a difficult life. And i hope you know too that i love my friends. The one who mattered to me. I think you know that. and i think i could care about your family too. All of them. I could try, and will always try. Again, anything for you

And yes, i want you to know that i sucks at saving money. And i have zero knowledge about how to manage property. And i am a big spender. Hehe. I hope you can teach me ,patiently of how to save a lot. And a lot more! :)

And sometimes i dont know how to face a problem. But i promise you, if you're troubled, you wont be alone. Im here.

And i know that im not a great cook. But ive learnt. Hehe. And i hope or day i can prepare your meals, each time. I couldnt promise it would be delicious each time but i promise it would e edible. Hehe


Im a soft hearted person. I cry easily. And i hope you will bear with me. I dont expect you to cry with me. I just need to borrow your shoulder for me to cry on.

And i go googoo gaagaa over babies. Cute babies. And that is something present in me since i was little. I always wanted a younger sibling. Maybe thats why. And i hope to have many cute babies of my own. Okay enough said

And i love to read. I mean novels and story books. Not our medical books. Hehe. If one day you couldnt sleep, i hope i could read them for you till you snore. Hehe

And i couldnt sew. I really have tried but it was so ugly. If you have buttons coming out from your shirt, dont ask me to sew it for you. Coz i sucks. But i will find a tailor for you. Hehe. I can only stitch people. *sad face*

there are a lot more that i wish to tell you. But i believe we still have time for that, to learn and understand about each other

But for now, i hope you know, that you mattered. I swear i wouldnt say the three words till im married. So i wont say it. But i hope you know how important you are to me. you are my #1 person on my own chart. Hehe. And i know it will be a long journey, and we dont talk about it, but i hope you know that i pray each time, that you will be my future. We will be each other's future. And yes, arifah cares for you, and would still choose you even if i was given another option. Coz arifah has been falling for you for quite some time now najmi, and it wont go away.

:)

xo